The other day I was scrolling through my Instagram feed after a very divided nation was arguing each of their sides to the issue of a recent Supreme Court ruling. I was taken back by the comments and reactions of each side. This isn’t the first time our nation has been divided on how to handle the care of human life nor will it be the last. The question we can ask ourselves in these times of heated debate is, how will the outcome be most beneficial, in our reactions or our response?
In our reactions we will always stay in the argument, the debate will never end because reactions are fueled with our emotions. The enemy would like nothing more than for us to stay in our reactions, because in our reactions is how the enemy distracts us and keeps us in the argument and chaos.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of react is: “to exert a reciprocal or counteracting force or influence—often used with on or upon. 2: to change in response to a stimulus. 3: to act in opposition to a force or influence—usually used with against 4: to move or tend in a reverse direction.”
To react is to respond without thinking, is impulsive, immediate, and chases our emotions. Our reactions are usually driven by our fears, attached to unmet expectations, and are short-sighted not able to rationally see the entire perspective of our situation. As you can see in the definition, to react is usually a negative response in opposition of something.
Definition of respond: “to say something in return : make an answer respond to criticism 2a: to react in response to a call for help b: to show favorable reaction, respond to surgery. 3: to be answerable”
In the Bible, when Jesus was presented with a situation, he responded not reacted. One of the greatest examples of this, is the woman’s life he spared from stoning in John 8. When the Pharisees brought an adulterous woman to Jesus, they wanted Him to react to her sin and make an example of her to others. But Jesus doesn’t react, He responds to what the woman needs, His grace. According to the Jewish Law of Consequence this woman deserved to be stoned publicly to shame her for what she had done. But Jesus shows a new way, one that forgives and restores, that doesn’t codon or condemn.
Jesus then stood up and said, “‘Where are they?’ ‘Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; and from now on, ‘sin no more.'” (John 8:10-11).
Jesus didn’t react to the woman’s sin, he responded to her deepest need. The Pharisees wanted Jesus to react to what this woman deserved. But this is where the enemy will entrap us to react, to cast stones at someone’s behavior, to keep us in a cycle to constantly throw stones at one another. Jesus breaks the cycle and doesn’t respond to the crazy, but sets a new path to enter into his healing grace.
The response is intentional, delayed, comes from a place of love and respect, rational, comes from self-control, and thinks about the long-term picture. From the definition, to respond is to show a favorable reaction. There will always be something we don’t agree with. An argument. A debate. We have to ask ourselves what is the outcome we desire? My desire is that everyone I know, knows the love of Jesus and one day I will see them in heaven. Life is too short and precious to spend it arguing especially with loved ones. Is my opinion and battle to be right the desire I want? Not Really. We all want to be seen and heard. We get lost in the fight to be right and miss out on God’s victory, a battle he’s already fought and won.
If there is one thing I hear Jesus telling me, is my role is to be the vessel, the messenger. My job is to bring the loaves of bread and fish, Jesus will feed the 5,000. My role is to show people the love of Jesus, not to cast stones. My purpose is to step out of the boat, not to sit there and wait until the storm is over to respond to what is happening in the world. I may get wet or even sink but Jesus will be there to hold my hand. I don’t have to like or agree with what everyone is doing, but I am called to love others no matter who they are or what they have done. We are all sinners and don’t deserve what Jesus has done for us, his gift is for everyone, we don’t have to earn it. The love of Jesus is for everyone.
Next time you see a post you don’t like or agree with, Ask God:
How should I respond?
What is the outcome you desire?
Will people see Jesus in my reaction or my response?
We may not have control over our situations, but we can control how we react or respond to our situations. Jesus came so we could have life and have it to the full. We miss out on His abundance when we allow our reactions to have the best of us. If we don’t control our reactions, our reactions will control us. How can you respond today to a situation you don’t like? We are able to have peace and serenity restored when our response is driven by God’s love.
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Do you desire to more Scripture and Prayer to guide your marriage?!?!? So do I! I’m so glad you’re here! Staying close to God’s truth is the best way arm and protect our marriage from what the world says. So many marriages are under spiritual attack and need the stability of God’s truth to stay grounded and healthy. Learning what God says about marriage will set our marriages us for success to continue to grow stronger and stronger. Keep these Scriptures nearby, so you can refer to them at anytime.
Marriage can be like a full-length mirror reflecting our inadequacies and flaws or like iron that sharpens iron, a process that refines us into the best version of ourselves. God’s intent for our marriage is to be sacred and holy. Staying connected with your spouse in daily prayer is another way to be rooted and grounded in God’s truths and protected from the enemy. Print out the Marriage Prayer Bookmark to use and pray with your spouse the armor of God over your marriage.
Here Are 10 Bible Verses About Marriage:
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about marriage, is when I am having a bad day or my spouse is having a bad day, two are better than one. Our relationship with God makes us complete. He has made and created marriage to help refine us, not leave us to do life alone. Allowing our spouses to come alongside us when we’re having a bad day can be one of the most life-giving things we do. We don’t have to have it all together all the time. Marriages are made to help support one another and bring out the best in each other. When we don’t allow our spouses to help us back up when we fall, we are missing out on the beautiful gift God has given us, our spouse–these are the moments that will bring us closer together.
2. Prayer is a beautiful power gift God has given us, especially in marriages. I have been guilty at times of not making prayer a priority in my marriage. As a result we can slowly see our marriages suffer. I never regret making prayer a priority, a daily habit especially with my spouse. In times of desperation we can always pray. God hears us especially in numbers. For more ways to pray with your spouse, either print out the bookmark below or click on link 5 P’s to Pray over your marriage.
3. Whenever there is a struggle in marriage, I can guarantee you, there is the enemy behind the scenes at work. The enemy would like nothing more than to come between our marriages, cause division, and destroy what God deems holy and sacred. When we allow God’s desires to be our desires, He aligns our hearts with HIS WILL, not ours. If there is a struggle, tension, or an argument, take a step back and analyze a heart’s motives, is this MY WILL or God’s? Sometimes we have to let go of our own expectations and desires of what we want, to allow God’s desires to Fill our hearts.
4. One of the best ways to allow God to be the center of your marriage, is to empty your heart of all things worldly. When we SEEK God with ALL of our hearts, we will find an overabundance of God’s wisdom, peace, joy, freedom, and love. In marriage we may not always see eye to eye, understand each other or agree, but one common ground we can trust and stand on is God’s TRUTH of who He says we are, His WISDOM, His LOVE, His GOODNESS.
5. This is my prayer not only for my marriage, but my family as well. When we love what God loves, with all of our heart, soul, and strength the bond that we build in our relationship with God and our marriage is strengthened with a strength that nothing in this world can break or destroy. The Love of God is meant to endure, persevere, and be eternal. The world can never offer anything beyond temporary, mediocre, or idleness.
Marriage is a gift that is meant to make us more holy than happy. Happiness is the byproduct of God’s holiness that turns into an eternal joy no one can take away when we allow our hearts and marriages to be God’s dwelling place for His wisdom, love, peace, and freedom. No amount of evil, circumstances, or tragedy can take away God’s eternal gifts He has given us. Imagine what the world would look like if we all allowed our hearts and marriage to be God’s dwelling place.
Life will throw so many curve balls at us. To expect we will never have seasons of hardship is an unrealistic expectation. To expect marriage to always be blissful and happy is also an unrealistic expectations. When we take out the language always and never, we can learn to plant, grow, and harvest the way God intended for us. In due season we will reap the harvest 30, 60, 100 fold (Mark 4:20).
8. You are God’s handiwork. He makes no mistakes. He has created you to be his workmanship, to display His glory, and prepare you for eternity. Marriages can be the most sanctifying process we go through and the biggest platform to display His glory. Whenever we go through a struggle we can turn to God and say thank you for another opportunity to be a reflection of you! We are meant to be a reflection of Jesus. Whenever a situation occurs we can refer to the One who knows all and allow Him to guide us, and seek His wisdom in the process!
9. A strand of three cords is not easily broken. A marriage that puts God first and center of their lives and marriage is a marriage that is not easily destroyed. We are meant to do this life together with God, not separate, apart where we are exposed to the enemies attacks. We are stronger together.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
10. God’s love never fails. When we choose to love we are choosing to be hurt and disappointed, because our love isn’t perfect and we get it wrong every time. God’s love will always prevail and keep us safe. His love is eternal and everlasting. God’s love always forgives. In marriage we will have to forgive, when we do we learn how to love like Jesus. God’s love will never ask you to hide, keep secrets, or allow for bad behavior. His love requires boundaries that help keep his love in and the enemy out. Just like in the garden of Eden, God’s love will be found at the beginning and end of every boundary (Dr. Henry Cloud), will flourish, grow, and refine us more than we could ever imagine.
I’m so honored I’ve been invited to speak at the 2021 Wives of Integrity Marriage Conference! I want to invite you to 2021 WOI Marriage Conference! FREE Registration and the discounted ALL-ACCESS PASS for $39 ends 11:59 am May 9th TONIGHT! Pricing increases to $59 tomorrow, May 10th. Here are some of the topics the conference covers.
Healthier, happier communication.
Better physical and emotional intimacy.
Seeing sex as an act of worship, not a chore.
The ability to trust God with your husband’s salvation.
Learning how to have financial intimacy.
Understanding how to have hope and healing after betrayal.
The gift of prayer and fasting for your marriage.
…AND SO MUCH MORE!
Here are other Resources to help grow and build your marriage!
Stay Connected in marriage by reading God’s word and staying in Prayer. Here is a 30 Day Marriage Bible Reading Plan and FREE Printable Marriage Prayer Book mark.
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This year marks the 10th anniversary of our son Bowen’s passing. In 2011, our lives have been changed forever. We wanted to share, how he has impacted our life over the past 10 years. We wouldn’t be where we are today nor would we be doing what we’re doing if it weren’t for our son Bowen and what God has done in our lives.
Here are 10 lessons Our Son’s Life Has Taught Us:
Lesson #10- HOPE is for REAL. We named our son Bowen, because of its meaning, ‘small victorious one.’ He truly lives us to his name in heaven where the victory has already been won. Because of Bowen, we founded Bowen’s Hope in 2013, where we helped kidney kids who had kidney disease and their families at the Phoenix Children’s Hospital. We came up with the acronym for Bowen’s Hope B- Bringing, O- Others, W-What, E-Everyone, N- Needs, HOPE!!!!! Because of what we went through, we realized there were other families who deal with their child who has kidney disease, which can be so demanding mentally and physically. God used our pain for HIS greater purpose to help at the kids’ kidney camp, called Camp Maska, get families sponsored for Christmas, and hold toiletry drives to help with some of their needs. God showed us the true meaning of coming alongside others in their hurt. When we set out to help others, they end up helping us more than we help them.
“who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:4
Lesson #9- The Joy of Less. We have more when we have Less. Bowen taught us how precious life really is, every life matters, and to cherish every moment. Life is too short to be filled with things and stuff that doesn’t matter. To live simply and have less, is to have more time for adventure, making memories and spending time together. Our stuff taught us you don’t own stuff, stuff owns you. You can read more of our story in “Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Joy of Less.”
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroy and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19-21 NASB
Lesson #8- We can do hard things in Christ. Bowen’s life taught us not to let the pain of suffering consume us but to pour it into something positive for the greater good. His life took us to places we never imagined or thought were possible. After Bowen, I started running and training and qualified for the Boston Marathon in 2013. Sadly that was the same year the Boston bombing occurred.
I don’t have a picture with my medal smiling after the finish line, because we were trying to get safely back to our hotel in the midst of crowds, police cars and SWAT teams all around us. The bombing taught us when we run in fear there will always be another finish line to cross, when we run in the victory of Christ there is only one finish line to cross and never have to run in fear again. The other picture is my husband at the finish line of the Iron Man he completed in AZ. We would have never have been able to accomplish all these things without the strength of Jesus and our son giving us the courage to say I can.
Lesson #7- Kindness Matters. Our Son’s life taught us every life matters and is valuable. Everyone deserves kindness no matter who they are. Kindness is a gift from God. If no one received kindness no one would know the love of Jesus. Bowen’s life challenged us to extend kindness to others by doing a 13 Day Kindness challenge for everyday he was alive. Doing acts of kindness was so healing, and allowed the legacy of Bowen’s life to live on. Giving kindness to someone can be the key to their breakthrough and the very thing they need. Be the kindness this world needs. Kindness is contagious. Pass it on.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another.” Ephesians 4:13
FREE Kindness Cards Click to Download
#12DaysofKindnes
Lesson #6- Life is Better together. Even though we didn’t choose for our son’s life to be taken by this horrible disease, time and time again, every race we ran, every fundraiser, every event put on in honor of Bowen, brought people TOGETHER. Life is meant to do and LIVE TOGETHER in UNITY with one another. Matthew 18:20- “For where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them.”
1 Peter 4:8-9 “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.”
Lesson #5- How Beautiful are the Feet that Bring Good News. If there is One thing God is able to do is bring Beauty out of Ashes. Here are beautiful works of art people made for me after Bowen died. One is a beautiful portrait of our son where his his body is preserved untouched by his disease. Another is the Beautiful feet picture of the Bible verse in Romans 10:15. Another is a picture someone painted I didn’t even know, God placed in her heart to paint and give us this picture with the verse By His Stripes we are healed Isaiah 53:5. The last picture is a Bowen’s beautiful name tattooed on my foot, (thank goodness we will have beautiful feet in heaven LOL) for anyone who asks I can tell them how beautiful are the feet that bring good news—His name indeed brings good news, that we will see Him again One day in heaven. God is able to turn our Tests into Testimonies our Misery into His Message our Trials into Treasures.
Lesson #3- Be Thankful. Our son’s Life taught us to Be Thankful for what you have, it could always Be Worse. There is always something to Be thankful for no matter what your circumstances. Thankfulness helped us get through some very tough times—when we were grateful it turned what we had into enough and more than we ever needed. You never know when will be the last time to see a loved one or be here on this earth. Spending our time being grateful is time well spent.
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. #quote #MelodyBeattie
Lesson #2- Live life with Adventure and with more margin. Bowen’s life allowed us to get rid of a lot of clutter and distractions in our lives and trade them in for making memories and adventures with our family. More Margin allowed for schedules to be free to allow for spontaneous moments and for the unexpected. He showed us the meaning of seeking adventure and allowing room for it in our lives. Leaving margin allows us to be available in God’s timing to be vessels when he needs us to be his hands and feet. Click Here to watch our adventures from Alaska.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Lesson #1-God Can Turn UnAnswered prayers Into Something Better. God doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we want them but answers them in a bigger way than we could ever imagine. We prayed for Bowen to be healed and for him to come home. When he died, at first I thought God didn’t answer our prayers, Why? But then I realized God did answer our prayers, just not in the way we wanted. He indeed heal Bowen and brought him home to heaven.
Our son taught us—When God is all you have God is all have, God is all you need. There is no sorrow on earth that God can’t heal (David Crowder lyrics). Our son’s short life continues and will continue to teach us so much. We have valued and cherished our time with Bowen’s Hope but had to close this chapter of our lives. Even though this chapter closed, God continues to open new chapters and continues to use Bowen to be apart of our lives, just in a different way. He will continue to challenge us and make us step through new doors of opportunity wherever that may lead us.
God is good all the time no matter what our circumstances or trials we go through. I hope and pray these lessons we’ve learned can be applies to our everyday lives and never forget why we are here–to love one another and allow our trials to grow us.
To celebrate and honor our son’s life for his 10 year anniversary, our goal is to have 10 kids through Compassion International be sponsored. So far 3 kids have been sponsored and need 7 more families to reach our goal! We have really enjoyed sponsoring Victor, who we started sponsoring after Bowen died. Would you consider sponsoring a child? To read our story visit instagram to read more.
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I really wanted to title this post The Power of Compassion or the Power of our Words. But in reality not many will google, ‘how can I show more compassion,’ or ‘how do my words effect others?’ When I write these posts I’m at the mercy of google to help people find content they are in desperate need of. I hope this post finds you in your place of need where you are right now.
The answer to this question is compassion. In any type of crisis, compassion is always the best remedy. But what does compassion look like when the world is falling apart?
What We Can Do In Times Of Crisis
You never know how one act of compassion or the impact of your words can effect others. Recently I’ve had to transition from the OR into the ICU to be able to take care COVID patients. I’ve had to see some really heart wrenching things over the past couple of weeks. But I’ve also seen the heart of compassion rise when people are hurting. Nurses have to be some of the most compassionate people I’ve ever met. What they do in times of crisis is just incredible.
Nine years ago when before our son passed away, a nurse thought to record my son’s heartbeat on a recorder and put it into a teddy bear to give to me. Her thoughtfulness and act of compassion has given me a precious gift that I am forever grateful for and has touched me deeply. This past week I witnessed another nurse do the same to give to a little girl as she recorded her loved one’s last heartbeat. Although nothing can replace our loved ones, these acts of compassion in the last moments of life are what we will remember and cherish. These acts of compassion give their loved ones’ lives dignity and show them your life matters, I see you.
Our words can show compassion during these times when others are hurting. Never underestimate the power of empathy in times of crisis. Just telling someone, “I’m so sorry,” or “I am here for you,” are words that will stay with them and let them know you care and see their suffering.
Many have read the parable of the Good Samaritan. After reading the parable many think, ‘I would never walk by a man half naked and dead lying in a ditch.’ But yet two godly men do, a priest and a Levite. The unlikely person, the Samaritan, who was viewed as someone who was lowly, not to be associated with because of wayward ways, was the person who stopped to help. Out of the three men the Samaritan was the only one who came to where he was, in the ditch. The others passed by, for reasons unknown. Maybe they couldn’t be bothered? Or maybe they were in a hurry? Or worst yet, maybe they didn’t care?
But the Samaritan didn’t just come to the hurt man, he bound up his wounds, poured oil and wine on them, brought him to an inn, paid for his room, and came back to check on him. Why would someone do this? Because he had compassion on him. These actions remind me what Jesus has done for us. When we are moved by compassion, we do things for others we normally wouldn’t do. We see things we normally wouldn’t see. When we can see others in their pain and hurt through the lens of compassion, we become God’s love. We become a friend and a neighbor.
When Jesus asked in Luke 10:36, “Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” “He said, “The one who showed him mercy.” And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise” (Luke 10:37).
Because of the act of compassion my nurse did for me by taking the time to record my son’s heartbeat and put it into a bear and the compassion I witnessed this week, now others will have a bear with their loved one’s heartbeat in their time of need. This is made possible through the foundation associated with the hospital I work for that will help fund for more bears when you donate to this specific cause.
During these times of unknowing and crisis, it’s so important to let others know, I see you, hear you, you matter, through our acts or words of compassion.
How can we be a good neighbor to those around us who are hurting?
Would you like to know how you can be more compassionate in times of crisis?
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What do you want to be known for? A Habakkuk Bible Study By Dannah Gresh
Isn’t it interesting what’s revealed when our world is in chaos, going through extreme circumstances?Somethings not so good, but there’s other blessings that come out of hardships one would never expect.I’ve been studying the book of Habakkuk, what a perfect book for these unprecedented times.It’s a book about uncertainty, feeling forgotten, wondering if God is ever going to intervene.Sounds a lot like what we’re all going through right now.
The meaning of Habakkuk means to ‘embrace,’ or to ‘wrestle.’Seems appropriate in the times we are in.We can either embrace our situations and make the best of them or wrestle with them and suffer.In the beginning of the book, Habakkuk cries out to God and asks,
“O LORD, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not hear?”“Or cry to you, “Violence!” And you will not save?”“Why do you make me see iniquity, and why do you idly look at wrong?”“So the law is paralyzed, and justice never goes forth.For the wicked surround the righteous;so justice goes forth perverted.”Habakkuk 1:1-2, 4.
In other words, ‘God where are you?’ ‘There’s a lot of messed up stuff happening right now, why are you allowing it?’
Sometimes waiting for God’s response when he seems silent can be excruciating, and an arduous process.We can question, why isn’t God DOING something about all the violence, suffering, and injustice?But here is some truth while we wait for those answers.God is an eternal, faithful, mighty, holy God who is good all the time (Habakkuk 1:12-13).No matter what is going on the world we can trust He is coming back and there will be a day where there is no more pain, suffering, or death (Revelations 21:4).
Something from the study CONVICTED me.Dannah Gresh talks about the book of Daniel and how he chooses to be resolved in front of king Nebuchadnezzar and not partake in their feasts.Resolved means to settle or find solution to the problem. One of the reasons why is because their feasts partook in idol worship in which Daniel would only worship his one true King, God.King Nebuchadnezzar’s tantalizing tactics to seduce Daniel into a life of worshipping luxury failed.Was it because Daniel was more faithful than the rest of us?I mean who wouldn’t want to indulge in some steak and wine nightly and engorge themselves?But Daniel referred back to what had kept him grounded, God’s TRUTH.
Have you ever heard of the 10,000 hour rule?A book written by Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers addresses what sets people a part from being average to excelling at something.The short answer is being disciplined. They become experts by spending more than twenty hours a week learning their craft. We are what we invest ourselves in.What activities do you invest your time in?I admit during quarantine there was a lot of Netflix binge watching, baking, and maybe even the mindless scroll through social media, because there wasn’t the other daily activities of life to keep me busy.
I’m also guilty of not being intentional during this time.The shutdown highlighted areas of my life where I lacked discipline.It was important as ever to stay in a workout routine even though the gyms were shut down, to keep eating healthy even though restaurants were closed, to stay in God’s Word (have no excuse for this one).It was easy to get out of the routine when one wasn’t established.I had all of these high hopes of things I would accomplish with my family.Some got done others did not.
Wherever you live right now we don’t have to stop gathering together just because things shut down.We can still gather just in a different way.I am excited to do this Bible study with other women in my neighborhood some of us through zoom and some are in person, but we are still studying God’s Word TOGETHER!It’s so important to still gather (in the safest way possible), stay connected in God’s Word, and BUILD RELATIONSHIPS!We don’t have to stop growing just because things shut down.
I don’t want to be known for my bad habits or things I regret from my past, or how many hours of Netflix I watched.Does it really matter how many miles I run, or how many sit ups I do?None of that makes me valuable or worthy.I want God’s love to be known in me and to others so they know GOD LOVES THEM.I FEEL like I’m failing at that right now, I could do BETTER.
Spending time in Scripture allows me to hear God’s voice for what He wants me to prioritize and how to be intentional right now.In my prayer time I’m asking God, ‘how can I love others well right now?’‘What do you want to be focused on?’ ‘How can I serve you when things look so different?’
What do you want to be known for? What are you known for?
Are you struggling with being disciplined in any area of your life right now?
One of the ways I can do better is to be apart of the healing of our nation/worldby educating myself about the wounds of racial diversity and unity.I’m reading the book “Be the Bridge” by Latasha Morrison.How can I say I want to do better if my life doesn’t reflect that?I can say the words all I want, but if my actions don’t support it, then I am just a hypocrite.The only way to have unity in diversity is to LISTEN, show empathy and compassion, get to know others who aren’t in my circle of comfort and LEARNfrom them.If your desire is to do better consider reading Be the Bridge, or start studying God’s Word and make it apart of your healthy habits.
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With so much going on in the world, it seems everyday we wake up there’s something new we have to grasp about realities we don’t want to face. Or we just want a break from what’s going on around us. We are not in control and have no say in what’s happening which can be HARD. We may not like what’s going on, but I know God is still doing a great work in us. He still loves us, wants the best for us and will never leave us in all this mess. He’s refining us and using this chaos for His greatness. Even though we know all of this, being real with the heaviness of our struggles is a necessary process to go through. We can’t pretend our struggles aren’t our struggles for them to magically go away. Stepping into the pain of our struggles with Jesus is our best chance at healing and peace.
Grief is on the rise especially now with all who are sick and with holidays coming up. I want to acknowledge your grief–I am so sorry for what you are going through. I pray for God’s healing and hope to fill you and for your willingness to let Him walk you through your pain. Losing a loved one is never easy nor is dealing with grief. Holding on to God’s promises of what He’s able to do will allow more room for God’s HOPE to be working in our lives.
Here are 10 Bible Verses About Grief: That will Provide More Hope and Healing
“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33- I love how this verse says we won’t have difficulties here on this earth but it is possible for us to have peace in Jesus despite what we’re going through. No matter what happens in this life Jesus has overcome.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”Revelations 21:4- This verse gave me so much comfort after our son passed away. Grief can be so hard and painful. One day there will be no more pain, crying, or mourning in heaven. This life is so short compared to the eternal life we will have in heaven. God is taking care of our loved ones and that is so comforting.
“Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.” John 16:22- There will be times the pain of missing our loved ones is so great. This verse is a great reminder there will be times to grieve and times to rejoice. When we have Jesus to walk through this journey with us, nothing can take away our joy.
4. “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time dance;” Ecclesiastes 3:1,4- I love how this verse depicts the highs and lows of the seasons of our lives. There will be times we’re weeping then laughing, then mourning then celebrating. The emotions and feelings we go through don’t limit us from being able to still experience the joys in life, but are necessary to go through the process of our new normal. Learning how to embrace the roller coaster ride grief, instead of being in a constant state of wrestling is a good place to be.
5. “When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and save the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:17-18- This verse has helped me so much. When I’ve felt at my lowest point of brokenness I’ve repeated this verse to myself so many times. I’ve never felt closer to God during my times of brokenness and heard Him so clearly. He is with you in your times of hurting and will never leave you.
6. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28- I love this Bible verse so much, our family had this verse engraved in our son’s headstone. This verse reminds us there is no pain without a purpose. God doesn’t waste anything. He is always working for our good, no matter what.
7. “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us”. Romans 8:18- Nothing that happens in this life can compare to the life that God has prepared for us. He cares about every hurt, every pain, any suffering we go through. There is nothing we go through, Jesus hasn’t been through already. He would never allow us to go through what we go through without having a plan for our pain to turn it into something better.
8. “In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born,” says the LORD. “If I cause you the pain, I will not stop you from giving birth to your new nation,” says your God” Isaiah 66:9 NCV. In the same way childbirth is painful, the birth of a new baby is worth it. No one gives their baby back and says no thank you that was too painful. The birth of something new, the joy you receive in the new birth, far outweighs the pain we go through to birth it.
9. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”. Matthew 5:4- It is so comforting to know God is with us when we mourn. He is close to us and is there for us in our sorrows.
10. “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is see, but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal”. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18- The struggles we go through when we are dealing with grief are hard, heavy, and painful. God doesn’t want us to have pain, but knows the path towards eternal healing. Any pain we go through He knows how to heal us!
Grief can be all consuming and overwhelming. There is no pain God can’t heal. Learning to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, focusing on what He’s able to do even when we can’t see it, allows for His eternal hope and healing. God is able. He is in the business of all things eternal.
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Hello! It’s been a while. I’ve been taking a much needed break this year from blogging to concentrate on a deficient area of my life, self-care. A moment of honesty–there were areas of my life I didn’t realize needed healing and attention. I kept hitting walls that wouldn’t allow me to move forward or I would build walls to protect me from any hurts in my life. There would be times I was losing a grip on keeping my sanity and serenity in a healthy place. I had to ask the question, Why did this keep happening?
Well, nothing changes when nothing changes. I had to be real with the adversity in my life. I couldn’t ignore emotional scars from my past or traumas that trickled into the hidden corners of my relationships in my life. Whenever a trigger or hardship evolved these past hurts hiding in the corners came out like a raging river. Over these past months and years, I’ve been doing a lot of reading and research on how adversity changes the emotional landscapes of how we cope and heal. I’ve had to look within myself and do some self-discovery of why am I the way I am?
Growing up a horrible lie was born into my life, I wasn’t wanted. Nothing my parents did make me feel this way, but it’s the message I received because of my circumstances. My parents were very young when my sister and I were born, divorced by the time we were two, we lived with my grandparents for a couple of years until my father remarried and we moved back in with him in our new family and visited our mother on the weekends. We didn’t talk about our problems or address them much because no one knew how. My parents are a byproduct of my grandparents who grew up in the great depression where you don’t complain and you just kept going. Problems or mistakes were to be hidden so no one knew our flaws. No one talked about the fact there was mental illness and struggles with alcohol that affected our family.
“Am I a God at hand, delcares the Lord, and not a God far away? Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the Lord. Do I not fill heaven and earth? declares the Lord”. Jeremiah 23:23-24.
No wonder why it’s so hard to heal!?!?! No one likes to talk about their flaws and problems. But it’s such a necessary step in accepting how God made us and how He will use our circumstances for good. I became really good at hiding from what was hidden beneath the surface for so many years. I was a people pleaser. Helping others and pleasing people became my hiding place. If I could please others and make sure their needs were met, I didn’t have any problems. If I could fix, solve, save, or rescue others from their problems then I was good. The problem with this method of dealing with problems was I wasn’t dealing with my own problems. I wasn’t depending on God to mend my hurts, I was co-dependent on others to mend me. This method will never serve anyone well in the end, because it bypasses Jesus and doesn’t allow Him to be the Mender and Healer.
It wasn’t until I started counseling, I discovered I was a co-dependent. I had developed unhealthy coping mechanisms to get my needs filled, to heal the wound I wasn’t wanted, which gave birth to other lies I was inadequate, not good enough. I was a mess. I had to unravel years of dysfunctional unhealthy behavior. It has been very hard to peel back those layers, but so worth it and necessary in my healing process. If I wasn’t willing to go beneath the surface and ask the question of why I do what I do, did things start to change for me? I had to identify I wasn’t really putting my trust in God when I was going ahead of Him trying to heal myself through others. I had to acknowledge there was a difference between just treating symptoms to get by or really do the work to heal.
“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise” Jeremiah 17:14
What you do isn’t who you are. The effects adversity has on our lives is real. Even if you don’t have a life born into adversity there still are stressors and hardships that make life difficult. Being real with who you are in how God made you and learning how to maneuver through the adversity in your life is crucial. I want to introduce to you the ACE score. It stands for Adversity Childhood Experience. This score is on a 10 point scale, 10 being the most and 0 being the least. The higher your ACE score before the age of 18 determines based on statistics whether you are more prone to criminal activity, alcoholism, mental illness, and other chronic diseases. Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, a pediatrician, and California Surgeon General has dedicated her life work to adversity and making it apart of integrative health, looking at the person as a whole, getting to the root of underlying issues, not just treating symptoms.
My ACE score by the time I was seven years old was a six. My score put me into a very high-risk category or being susceptible to a whole slew of addictions and chronic illnesses. Dr. Burke explains the neuroscience behind our stress, adversity, and why we do what we do. She also explains why it’s so important to lower our ACE scores so we can leave behind a healthy legacy for the next generation. I encourage you to take the ACE quiz to see what you score. To take the quiz click here.
You are loved, my friend. You are worth it! You are an overcomer in Christ. Your circumstances and adversity don’t define you, God does. You are known in his love. We don’t have to hide from who we are in Christ, praise God for that!
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Do you struggle with co-dependency(aka self-love deficit? I would love to hear from you! Leave your comments below!
Need a Break? Do you feel like this world is getting more chaotic and you just want some peace and rest?
I am so honored to be one of the 50+ Women Speakers at the 2020 Christian Women’s Self-Care Conference. There will be live workshops filled with lots of much needed goodness! And get this, it’s FREE!!!!!! (But for a limited time only). Take advantage of watching this conference in the comfort of your own home. Take time for yourself. Learn what areas of your life could use a little healing and attention. I am excited about my workshop: You are Known: Loving Yourself Well which will be on day three and I address the struggles of co-dependency.
To register either Click Here or on the image. To view, a complete list of speakers and workshops click on the link at the bottom of the page near the registration button. Make sure to join me over the next 12 days on Facebook and Instagram. I will be doing LIVE chats and giveaways! Let’s get the conversation started!
What area of your life do you need the most self-care?
I am so excited to see what God will do in your life through this conference. Please share in the comments and start a conversation. You are loved, my friend!
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“The best news in the world is that there is no conflict between your greatest possible happiness and God’s perfect holiness. Being satisfied with all that God is for you in Jesus magnifies him as the greatest treasure and brings you more joy—eternal, infinite joy—than any other delight ever could.” John Piper
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year’s holiday. I’ve taken a few weeks off from writing and it’s been nice. We all could use breaks and rest to be able to recharge and be refreshed. How has your new year been shaping up? Have you set goals, made resolutions? Whatever your aspirations are I pray they are blessed beyond measure and filled with joy.
I’ve been reading a YouVersion Bible Reading Plan by John Piper called 15 Days in the Word with John Piper.
He talks about the secret of invincible joy and how our greatest rewards are in Jesus. This message is something I’ve heard before, but never had I heard joy described as rescued. Nothing can destroy or take away our joy, even in our suffering when it’s anchored in Jesus. It is possible to keep our joy protected and safe even in the most painful of times when heaven is the reward.
Our greatest fulfillment will always come from what God can provide. Nothing in this world could ever compete or compare to the eternal joy in which only God provides.
3 Ways to Have More Joy in 2020
1. Give yourself the freedom to make mistakes and not beat yourself up over them. To all the perfectionists out there write this down on a notecard and put it somewhere you can see it. Say this to yourself everyday until this sinks in. If there is one thing I struggle with, it’s being gentle with myself when I don’t make good choices. I have a constant message in my head on repeat on how I could have done things better.
Thank goodness for God’s grace. His grace was never meant to be abused to continue with bad behavior over and over but to help refine us and mold us through Him, not ourselves. Joy will always be found in what God does in us. Our mistakes don’t make us bad, they make us human. God can do so much more with our mistakes when we surrender them to Him, then we could ever do ourselves.
2. Learn how to be emotionally honest with yourself. Let’s face it, if we struggle with the ability to give ourselves grace when we mess up, we probably struggle with being realistic with our emotions. Our emotions and mistakes don’t define us but what we do with them matters. If we’re being honest with ourselves we’re able to own our own stuff and not constantly use blame or criticism to take the focus off ourselves.
Are you critical and judgmental of others? Do you like to point out others mistakes in front of others? Do you create chaos? Looking within ourselves we might discover when we’re critical of others we’re probably critical of ourselves. Pointing out others’ flaws, doesn’t make your flaws as bad and then you don’t have to focus on yourself. When you point out others mistakes, you probably aren’t secure with yourself and when other’s mistakes are magnified, no one is looking at your messes. When patterns of chaos are created, then you don’t have to deal with your own problems when chaos is around. If you want to have more joy in 2020, learn how to be emotionally honest, it’s the best gift you can give yourself. Emotional honesty allows us to be emotionally available for others which is very enriching for relationships.
3. Learn how to ‘BE’ instead of always doing. Girl, if there’s one thing I could write to my younger self this would be it. I’m ashamed to say how much of my energy has been wrapped up in doing, performing, and achieving. Again if my focus was on the accomplishment I didn’t have to focus on myself. Somehow my identity got tethered to these things and life became about doing. God didn’t make human doings, he created human beings. We were created ‘to be.’ We can be free in how God made us when we learn how to be.
We don’t always have to be the solution to every problem, the rescuer or savior (roles that were never meant for us in the first place). Learning to be, means learning how to have balance when there are problems in your life. Being means learning how to have more empathy for others when they are going through hard times. Learning empathy allows for more compassion to be in our lives. God wants us to learn how to BE love not DO love. When we do, we put our own efforts into it and bypass God. When we be, we allow God to work through and within us so His love overflows not the other way around.
Do you struggle with giving yourself grace when you make mistakes?
Are you able to be emotionally honest with yourself?
Do you struggle with being instead of doing?
Me too. You’re not alone. I struggle with every single one. This is the beauty in our journey when we EMBRACE THE PROCESS. It’s not about being perfect, getting it right all the time, it’s about learning to be well and allowing God to use EVERYTHING in His time.
How about you? Do you desire to have more joy in 2020? I do. Learning to trust in the process God has put forth will always allow for His abundant joy to fill us, satisfy and complete us more than we could ever imagine.
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I would love to hear from you! Leave your comments below!
I will be taking a little break from blogging to be able to work on a project that God has been pressing on my heart. In order to be obedient to what God has for me, I need to be realistic with my time. I may post a new post from time to time, but it won’t be weekly. I will keep you posted on what I’m doing and thank you all who read and subscribe to the posts, it means so much to me. I am grateful.
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Are you getting ready for Christmas? I don’t know about you, but every year I get caught off guard with all the preparation to get ready for Christmas! It seems no matter how much I plan, there is always something to get ready for.
The busyness of Christmas can be distracting and overwhelming to our hearts because of all the extra stress the holidays add to our plates. Before we know it we are missing out on the very reason why we celebrate Christmas.
You Are Known And Loved.
A prophet named Isaiah said, “Hear now, you house of David! Is it not enough to try the patience of men? Will you try the patience of men? Will you try the patience of my God also? Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel (God with us)” (Isa. 7:13-14).
In the verse above, the Prophet Isaiah was preparing our hearts for the arrival of Jesus.
Have you ever felt not seen or heard?
Two thousand years ago a peasant girl named Mary might have felt this way until …….
Luke 1:26-35….”God sent the angel…to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary….
Mary was just a young peasant girl who was about to be married. Why would God choose her? The angel Gabriel tells Mary, “Do not be afraid, you have found favor with God” (Luke 1:30). The Greek word for highly favored is chariswhich means grace.
God had found favor in Mary and bestowed a special honor on her. God sent an angel to prepare Mary’s heart for God’s greater plan.
Gabriel, the angel prepares Mary’s heart, that she will be with child and his name will be Jesus.
Gabriel goes even further and tells Mary five things about her future son.
1. He will be great. Luke 1:32
2. He will be called the Son of the Most High. Luke 1:32
3. He will be given the throne of His father David. Luke 1:32
4. He will reign in the house of Jacob forever. Luke 1:33
5. His kingdom will never end. Luke 1:33
“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?” (Luke 1:34). This is what I love about Mary. She doesn’t question the fact that the Messiah is coming, but rather that she would be used as a vessel for his arrival, a young virgin peasant girl.
She didn’t doubt or question God’s plan, instead asked how will this even be possible since she is a virgin?
The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you…” (Luke 1:35).
I don’t know about you, but I want a heart like Mary’s. A heart that is ready to trust and receive God’s promises. Mary’s heart welcomed the angel’s message, by submitting her heart almost immediately after hearing his message!
She didn’t let her doubts or fears get in the way of God’s plan. She allowed for God’s greater plan to happen through her, by submitting her heart to God.
How wise was Mary’s heart to recognize this message could have only come from God Himself?
Mary heard the message of God’s promise, and her heart of faith was reassured by the words, “For nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37). She even uttered the words, “I am the Lord’s servant, May it be to me as you have said” (Luke 1:38). No wonder God found favor with Mary. God already knew Mary’s heart before He chose her.
I want a heart like Mary’s.
Can you imagine if Mary didn’t allow for God’s greater plan to happen and allowed her doubts and fears to get in the way instead?
Have you ever allowed your doubts and fears get in the way of God’s greater plan?
I have many times. I wonder how many times has God sent me a message I didn’t recognize was from him. Letting me know I am known and loved and I just ignored Him?
Friend, you are known and loved by God who loved you first. This Christmas before we allow busyness and distractions to take us away from the true meaning of Christmas, let’s stop and allow God to prepare our hearts for His greater plan.
There is a fullness of joy when we stay present in the presence of Jesus. We can rest assured—that His peace will fill our hearts with JOY and will fill our souls with PEACE, when we allow for God’s greater plan to happen through us.
Do you struggle with being known and loved by God?
If God sent an angel with a message to you, “Do not be afraid.” Would you go where God was asking you to go?
Prayer: Dear Lord Jesus, thank you God for your greater plan. Thank you God for Jesus and preparing a place in heaven for us. We pray we will have a heart like Mary’s, one that is obedient, faithful and trusting of your plan even when we don’t understand. Prepare our hearts Lord for your greater promises. We pray we will not get in the way of your plan but allow your greater plan to happen through us. We pray for your will and ways to be done on earth as it is in heaven. Help us not be afraid like Mary and allow for your greater promises to fill our hearts. Help us stay present in your presence this Christmas and focus on the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of Jesus. In Jesus name, Amen.
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I would love to hear from you! Leave your comments below! Would you like to know more about the Christmas story! Join me next Monday as we learn more about what the Christmas story means to you.
Martin, J. A. (1985). Luke. In J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck (Eds.), The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures (Vol. 2, p. 205). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.
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I love Thanksgiving. It’s a season for giving thanks, fellowship, serving one another and sharing a meal with each other. It’s a time we can enjoy each other and share what we are thankful for.
Or maybe it’s not. Maybe Thanksgiving reveals everything we don’t have and haven’t accomplished. Thanksgiving may be like a magnifying glass examining the little details of our lives that expose everything we are not.
To cover up our flaws, we assemble the perfect table and meal, making it seem like we have it all together, but really we’re falling apart on the inside.
Can you relate?
What are you Most Thankful For?
Of course, I am thankful for my family, our health and how abundantly blessed we are. It’s so easy to thank God when things are going well in our lives. It’s not so easy when they are not.
When things are falling apart and I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread, I am most thankful for Jesus. I am thankful that even in my messes, I am complete in Jesus. Even in my suffering, I am blessed.
It’s amazing when Jesus meets us in our messes, our storms, and flaws–He turns them into life’s greatest blessings.
If I never experienced failure, I would never know the deeper meaning of perseverance–How God makes the impossible, possible.
If I never trained for a marathon, I would never have known the power of God’s strength.
If I never went through the loss of our son, I would never experience the deeper meaning of God’s love and His glorious plan that one day we will see him again.
If I never had trials in marriage or as a parent, I would never have realized the value in growing my patience and building a stronger foundation in Jesus.
To remove our messes, our struggles and flaws are to remove God’s glorious blessings.
What am I Most Thankful For? Jesus.
I am not thankful for my trials but am thankful to have Jesus to walk with me in my trials.
When I struggle, I think of Job. When his cattle was destroyed he still gave thanks. When his family was killed he still gave thanks to God. When his crops were destroyed he gave thanks. When his health was at stake, he gave thanks.
When everything was taken away from him, he never stopped thanking God. His thankfulness in his devastation produced a greater blessing he could have ever received than if he focused on everything he didn’t have.
No Jesus + Everything = Nothing.
Jesus + Nothing= Everything
Even when I have nothing, I have everything in Jesus. There is always something to be thankful for. I am nothing without Jesus.
THANK YOU, Lord Jesus, not only for our family, our health and the food we will eat this THANKSGIVING But also for our TRIALS we have endured this year. We are not thankful for our suffering, but thankful that you are good and know what is BEST for US!
THANK YOU for giving us what we NEED not what we WANT. You Always have the best plans ever! THANK YOUfor going AHEAD of us and PREPARING a place for us, even in our STRUGGLES we know this is only our TEMPORARY HOME.
THANK YOU for our circumstances that are beyond our control, they TEACH US to depend and lean on you making us closer to YOU. THANK YOU for unanswered PRAYERS, they help us to TRUST in you, in your PERFECT PLAN.
THANK YOU for WALKING with US in the fiery furnace. If you we didn’t have your hand to hold onto we would never know you are ALWAYS with us and will NEVER leave US. THANK YOU for your FORGIVENESS when we fail and make bad choices. THANK YOU for your LOVE and ALWAYS being there even in our MESSES.
THANK YOU for our DESPERATE Moments when we feel like we have nothing left, we can always depend on YOUR STRENGTH. THANK YOU for our roadblocks and detours, they show us that when we follow Jesus, He knows the WAY!
THANK YOU for our failures and losses, they show us there is no greater reward than Jesus. THANK YOU for your perfect gift of ETERNAL LIFE! No matter what we go through it does not compare to the glorious reward of HEAVEN when we accept Jesus as our Savior! THANK YOU for your PERFECT LOVE AND PLAN! AMEN
What are you Most Thankful For this Thanksgiving?
Do you give thanks despite your trials?
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I would love to hear from you! Leave your comments below. May your week be filled with Thanksgiving!
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