The Difference Between React and Respond

 

The other day I was scrolling through my Instagram feed after a very divided nation was arguing each of their sides to the issue of a recent Supreme Court ruling.  I was taken back by the comments and reactions of each side.  This isn’t the first time our nation has been divided on how to handle the care of human life nor will it be the last.  The question we can ask ourselves in these times of heated debate is, how will the outcome be most beneficial, in our reactions or our response?

The Difference Between React and Respond

Life if 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.' Quote Charles R. Swindoll Click To Tweet

In our reactions we will always stay in the argument, the debate will never end because reactions are fueled with our emotions.  The enemy would like nothing more than for us to stay in our reactions, because in our reactions is how the enemy distracts us and keeps us in the argument and chaos.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of react is:  “to exert a reciprocal or counteracting force or influence often used with on or upon.  2: to change in response to a stimulus.  3: to act in opposition to a force or influence usually used with against  4: to move or tend in a reverse direction.”  

To react is to respond without thinking, is impulsive, immediate, and chases our emotions.  Our reactions are usually driven by our fears, attached to unmet expectations, and are short-sighted not able to rationally see the entire perspective of our situation.  As you can see in the definition, to react is usually a negative response in opposition of something.

Definition of respond:to say something in return : make an answer respond to criticism 2a: to react in response to a call for help b: to show favorable reaction, respond to surgery. 3: to be answerable” 
In the Bible, when Jesus was presented with a situation, he responded not reacted.  One of the greatest examples of this, is the woman’s life he spared from stoning in John 8.  When the Pharisees brought an adulterous woman to Jesus, they wanted Him to react to her sin and make an example of her to others.  But Jesus doesn’t react, He responds to what the woman needs, His grace.  According to the Jewish Law of Consequence this woman deserved to be stoned publicly to shame her for what she had done.  But Jesus shows a new way, one that forgives and restores, that doesn’t codon or condemn.
Jesus then stood up and said, “‘Where are they?’  ‘Has no one condemned you?”  She said, “No one, Lord.”  And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you;  and from now on, ‘sin no more.'” (John 8:10-11).
Jesus didn’t react to the woman’s sin, he responded to her deepest need.  The Pharisees wanted Jesus to react to what this woman deserved.  But this is where the enemy will entrap us to react, to cast stones at someone’s behavior, to keep us in a cycle to constantly throw stones at one another.  Jesus breaks the cycle and doesn’t respond to the crazy, but sets a new path to enter into his healing grace.
The response is intentional, delayed, comes from a place of love and respect, rational, comes from self-control, and thinks about the long-term picture.  From the definition, to respond is to show a favorable reaction.  There will always be something we don’t agree with.  An argument.  A debate.  We have to ask ourselves what is the outcome we desire?  My desire is that everyone I know, knows the love of Jesus and one day I will see them in heaven.  Life is too short and precious to spend it arguing especially with loved ones.  Is my opinion and battle to be right the desire I want?  Not Really. We all want to be seen and heard.  We get lost in the fight to be right and miss out on God’s victory, a battle he’s already fought and won.
If there is one thing I hear Jesus telling me, is my role is to be the vessel, the messenger.  My job is to bring the loaves of bread and fish, Jesus will feed the 5,000.  My role is to show people the love of Jesus, not to cast stones.  My purpose is to step out of the boat, not to sit there and wait until the storm is over to respond to what is happening in the world.  I may get wet or even sink but Jesus will be there to hold my hand.  I don’t have to like or agree with what everyone is doing, but I am called to love others no matter who they are or what they have done.  We are all sinners and don’t deserve what Jesus has done for us, his gift is for everyone, we don’t have to earn it.  The love of Jesus is for everyone.
Next time you see a post you don’t like or agree with, Ask God:

How should I respond?

What is the outcome you desire?

Will people see Jesus in my reaction or my response?

We may not have control over our situations, but we can control how we react or respond to our situations.  Jesus came so we could have life and have it to the full.  We miss out on His abundance when we allow our reactions to have the best of us.  If we don’t control our reactions, our reactions will control us.  How can you respond today to a situation you don’t like?  We are able to have peace and serenity restored when our response is driven by God’s love.

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5 Safe Places to Heal in the Bible That Will Set You Free

Whenever I do healing groups the first thing we establish are boundaries up front that will help make the group a safe place to share.  Everyone agrees to what makes a group a safe place.  Some of the boundaries include, anonymity, don’t interrupt, listen, no judging, be aware of biases, don’t give advice, and most important confidentiality.  Establishing these boundaries up front, establishes a safe place for people to feel comfortable to process and heal.

God has provided safe places to heal for us as well.  In the Bible, Jesus performed many healing miracles.  One of them includes the woman who bled for 12 years.  She had spent all her money on doctors to be cured, but instead grew worse.  But then she heard about Jesus.

21 She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.” 22 Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.' Matthew 9:21-22Click To Tweet

This woman’s faith shows us, all she had to do was be near Jesus and she would be healed.  She just had to step into His presence.  The same is for us as well.  When we step into these places, there is nothing magical about the locations, it’s about our willingness to step into the presence of God.

5 Safe Places to Heal in the Bible That Will Set You Free-

1. The Mountain- Isaiah 54:10, “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you.”  Isaiah 49:11, “And I will make all my mountains a road, and my highways shall be raised up.”

There are so many mountain references in the Bible, it was hard to pick just one.  The one thing I love about what a mountain represents is, God is the creator of mountains.  

There isn't a mountain God created, that He can't move. #quote @HeatherGillis6 #GodmovesmountainsClick To Tweet

Mountains represent God’s greatness, His power and strength, a place we can go and be in solitude with Him.  Just like the woman’s faith (who bled for 12 years) healed her, if we have faith the size of a mustard seed God can move the mountains in our lives (Matt. 17:20).  Mountains are a place where we can see the results of the climb once we get to the top, we can see so much clearly!

In the Bible some of the most sacred events occurred on the mountain, when Abraham was to sacrifice his son Isaac, when Moses received the 10 commandments, the burning bush, healing, etc.  Don’t underestimate God’s ability, how He will use the mountains in your life.  We can always find safe places to heal no matter where we are on the mountain.

2. The Dessert- Matthew 4:10-11, “Then Jesus said to him, Be gone, Satan! For it is written,“ ‘You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve.’ 11 Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him.”

There isn’t a place we go to that Jesus himself hasn’t already been to.  We can find safe places to heal in the most unlikely places, even in the arid, harsh desert.  Jesus went to the wilderness of the desert to fast and pray for 40 days and nights.  In the desert, Jesus was tempted by the devil, who tried to deceive Him.  But Jesus responds with ‘Be gone!’  Jesus tells Satan, ‘He worships God only.’  It seems unlikely to be able to heal in such harsh environments, but Jesus shows us in the wilderness, we can wrestle with our demons and allow for God’s strength to stand up against our enemies.  This is where we can truly discover who we are in Christ and allow for our foundations to be rooted in Him and not the lies of the enemy.  

3. The Well-  John 4:10, “Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

In John 4, we read about the woman at the well, Jesus asks for a drink a water from the well from her.  According to customs, Jesus wasn’t supposed to associate with this woman, because she was Samaritan and a woman.  She even came to the well at a time no one would be there so she could go unnoticed.  But Jesus sees this woman in a way no one ever had.

'Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life'. (John 4:13-14).Click To Tweet

This woman was ashamed of her choices and past, but Jesus saw the woman for who she was, loved and worthy.  He spoke to her needs of needing a Savior and did not condemn her.  Even though this woman did not intentionally step into His presence, Jesus was there waiting for her, extending an invitation of mercy and grace which spoke volumes to her.  Because of her testimony of how Jesus treated her, many more Samaritans were saved.

4. The Valley- Psalm 23: 4-5, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley,[aI will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You anoint my head with oil;  my cup overflows.”

When we go through the valleys in our life, God provides a safe place to heal at a table He has prepared for us in the presence of our enemies.  It’s not a matter if we go through valleys.  It says, we will walk through the valleys.  No matter what we are going through, there’s not a place God hasn’t already been.  He has gone before us and made a way, a place for us to heal in the valley.  We don’t have to wait until we are out of our valleys to heal, we can heal when we are in the valley, at His table He has prepared for us.

5. The Cross-  John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

The cross is a place God used to change everything.  The cross is an altar where we can lay down our own measures of control, burdens, struggles, and performance and enter into God’s grace, truth, and love.  The cross is where we receive our gift of salvation and eternal life, that bridges the gap between death and life, that cures all sickness and disease, that heals the brokenhearted.  The cross is both an opportunity to step into God’s presence but also receive what He has done for us.   We can find a safe place to heal at the cross where we can surrender it all.  We don’t have to fear being criticized, judged, or condemned, but receive the greatest gift ever of eternal life, freedom, hope, joy, and love.

Where Do You Find Safe Places to Heal?

What Place Do You Find The Most Healing?

Do You Give Yourself Permission To Heal?

There is freedom in healing.  When we heal, we destroy the work of the enemy and are able to live in God’s victory of what He has done for us.  Healing is the evidence o

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Letting God Be Enough {Book Review}

Letting God Be Enough Book Review

Have you ever struggled with letting God be enough?  I have many times.  For some reason I tend to allow my weaknesses and failures keep me hidden from what God is able to do within me.  I allow those doubts and fears to creep in and take over the truth that God has for me.  But instead of trusting what God has for me, the pain of what I’m lacking hurts and I fill the space with something else as an attempt to make the pain less.  

When I’m busy it doesn’t hurt as much.

When I’m over scheduled then I’m preoccupied with the schedule.

When I overextend myself by helping others I can say they ‘need’ me.

When I’m distracted I don’t have to deal with what’s really at hand.

It’s all a lie I’ve believed that if I’m not doing anything then I’m worthless.  I’ve had to work really hard over these past two years about what I’m dependent on and where I’m receiving my validation and affirmation, from people or God?  Giving myself the gift of honesty has been the best gift ever but has required a lot of disconnecting, detaching, and being still with hard truths that God has revealed in me.  Striving to be all this world desires me to be will always leave me weary.  Surrendering my desires and need to be in control to God will always set me in a pattern of freedom and restore me beyond measure.

Surrendering to the plans God has for us isn’t always easy.  I recently had the pleasure of reading “Letting God Be Enough:  Why Striving Keeps You Stuck and How Surrender Sets You Free” by Erica Wiggenhorn.  Each chapter ends with a Bible reading plan, bullets points of the chapter, challenging questions to ask yourself and a prayer.  She does a wonderful job of taking us on a journey to uncover our fears of inadequacy and showing us when we trust in God’s power what He has for us is always enough.  Sounds easy right?  (Not so much).  

One chapter in the book that hit close to the heart for me was chapter eight, ‘Dealing with Distractions.’  Erica starts the chapter with the Bible verse Exodus 11:8, “And he went out from Pharaoh with hot anger.”  Moses had a constant struggle in ‘what battle am I fighting?’  In Exodus 11, Moses had to go before Pharaoh over and over before each plague and speak on behalf of the Israelites to tell Pharoah, ‘let my people go.’  At this point he had already done this nine times.  Moses was getting a little frustrated and this last encounter with Pharaoh, he let his anger get the best of him.  

Can you relate?

I can relate to Moses allowing his emotions to get the best of him.  In becoming emotionally attatched to our situations and outcomes not turning out how we want them.  I love how Erica describes how our emotions can really be distractions that veer us away from the actual battle God desires for us and what our anger really means.

“Anger becomes a distraction that demonstrates our distrust of God.” #LettingGodBeEnough @EricaWiggenhorn Click To Tweet

I can be like Moses when I see a pattern of injustice, when the outcome isn’t going the way I want, or when I get baited into a debate or argument that isn’t mine to defend in the first place.  

Erica challenges us to ask ourselves,

‘What if our anger is acutally the fear that God won’t make good on His promises and right every wrong in the end?’ #LettingGodBeEnough @EricaWiggenhorn Click To Tweet

During these uncertain times one thing I’ve had to let go of is the fight to be right and embrace the battle to be well.  No one ever says I wish I fought my battles with more anger.  The only control we have over our situations and circumstances is how we respond to them.  Fighting anger with anger never ends well.  

There’s an analogy Erica uses in this chapter about a golf ball that came way too close to her face by a reckless golfer who couldn’t wait to tee off until they were safely off the green.  The golfer’s actions could have resulted in a serious injury for Erica.  The lack of concern for the safety of others struck a chord in her husband in which he defended her by addressing the golfers’ and resulted in them leaving the golf course.  How many times have we been in this situation when an injustice occured and we are left with how will we respond?  

Of course God doesn’t want us to just stand on the golf course and allow golf balls to fly by our faces over and over, he wants us to practice wisdom and get out of the way.  Maybe that’s the point God is trying to tell us, that our anger gets in the way of the battle He’s trying to fight on our behalf.  That the real battle is between Him and the enemy.   

Moses’ anger would never change Pharoah.  God just needed Moses’ surrender, to be His vessel, obedient, and willing.  

In this section Erica challenges us with some great questions, when anger arises, we must ask ourselves, 

Is this my battle to fight?

What is my role in this battle?

Why am I really angry?  

 

Anger itself is not a sin, it’s what we do with the anger that gets us into trouble.  It’s normal to feel angry but not okay to take it out on others or stay in the state of anger. 

Are we really trusting in God when we become angry?  

Here are the things I can become angry with when I’m not putting my trust in God:

My situation

The outcome

Another person’s choices

Injustices

How people treat me

Maybe our next action step in allowing God to be enough is just getting out of the way?

We can be released from the responsibility of others actions when we trust God with our provision, protection, and outcomes.  We can be set free in our surrender and get out of the cycle of striving to handle our situations our way.  Thank you Erica for writing this book and leading us through the life of Moses.  I needed to hear this message!  

Prayer-  

God I know I can get stuck in patterns of striving and trying to do things my way.  I’m am guilty of not always living in what you are able to do.  I know anger is a warning sign letting me know I am not trusting in you.  Forgive me for not trusting in you.  I pray I will give the battle to be right to you, surrender my struggles, anxieties, and worries to you.  I will trust in what you are able to do.  I praise you God for who you are and what you are able to do in my life.  Thank you God for never giving up on me and always being there for me.  In Jesus name, Amen.  

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Erica Wiggenhorn is an award-winning author and founder of Every Life Ministries, brining you the truths of Scripture to transform your life.  Erica uses her Bible studies to bring the word of God to women across the globe to help encourage them to discover their unique purpose, embrace God’s promises, and live by His power.  Erica lives in Phoenix with her husband, two kids and cute adorable dogs.  To learn more about Erica and her ministry visit www.ericawiggenhorn.com and on Instagram @ericawiggenhorn.

 


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3 Myths About Dysfunction That Keep You STUCK

 

If you’re anything like me, at one point in your life dysfunction has served some sort of role in your life.  Maybe for a short while, or maybe it’s still a struggle.  Whatever role dysfunction has played in your life, our dysfunction doesn’t disqualify us, make us incompetent or inadequate, it makes us human.  We all have had dysfunction in our lives and most of us probably still do.  But that doesn’t mean we are less than or unable to still be used by God in a mighty way.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve had so much dysfunction in my life, I could write a book about it.  Growing up when we had problems we didn’t really talk about them.  God and good counselors have helped me so much in my journey in learning how to deal with my problems in a healthier way.  I actually didn’t know I had developed an unhealthy coping mechanism of codependency as a way to get my needs met.  I was very dependent on people to receive my approval, praise, and worthiness.

'For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.' Galatians 1:10 Click To Tweet

At one point I was a big time people pleaser.  I also felt very validated if I could rescue, fix, or solve someone else’s problems, because then I didn’t have to focus on my own problems.  Along the way I found some eye opening discoveries about my dysfunction that kept me stuck in my circumstances.  Here are 3 myths about my dysfunction I would like to share with you.

3 Myths About Dysfunction That Keep You STUCK:

 MYTH #1–Dysfunction is functional- This is very true for someone who lives in dysfunction.  Dysfunction serves us all well until it doesn’t.  In fact, sometimes we don’t even realize something is dysfunctional in our lives, until it is no longer functional!  The enemy would like nothing more than to keep us hidden in our patterns of dysfunction and tell us these patterns are totally NORMAL. These patterns keep us stuck and hidden from God’s plan for us.  Dysfunction keeps us in chaos, making it hard to hear God’s voice and plan over our lives.  It’s not until dysfunction starts crumbling all around us and we slowly get out of the chaos can we hear and see more clearly, that dysfunction does not serve us well over time.  Over time, dysfunction can become very comfortable for us, making it difficult to detach from it because it’s what we know.  Learning how to separate from your dysfunction can be one of the most loving things you do for yourself.  Detaching from the chaos will help one learn  healthier ways to deal with problems instead of reverting back to unhealthy dysfunctional patterns.  Letting go of codependency or dysfunctional patterns may feel overwhelming at first, but this is the first step in allowing God to refine and renew us for His eternal plans.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-17

MYTH #2–Dysfunction is Absent from my life.  Can we say denial?  The absence of dysfunction doesn’t mean dysfunction is absent.  I’ll never forget a forensics file episode I watched.  The detective said, ‘the absence of evidence, doesn’t mean that evidence is absent.’  That statement was so profound to me–just because we don’t see the evidence doesn’t mean someone didn’t try to wipe away or clean up the evidence.  Trying to get rid of evidence doesn’t negate a crime happened.  Just like our lives, we can become really good at hiding and ‘cleaning up the crime scene,’ to look really good on the outside but that doesn’t mean dysfunction isn’t still lying underneath the surface.  We can fake it till we make it all we want, but that doesn’t mean our dysfunctional problems will go away if we don’t address them!  Just because we can’t see or recognize our dysfunction, doesn’t mean it’s not there.  The enemy uses dysfunction in our lives to keep us blind and deaf, to not really see or hear God clearly.  This is why it’s so important to stay close to God.  Draw near to Him by reading the Bible and praying.  Knowing what His truth is will set us free every time.

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”  Galatians 5:1

MYTH #3–I’m too dysfunctional to be helped- This couldn’t be further from the truth.  If this were true, Jesus would have never came and died on the cross for us.  No one is ever too dysfunctional to receive mercy and forgiveness from our Savior.  Sometimes we can feel so overwhelmed in our dysfunction, that we don’t even know where to begin, and think why bother it will never get better.  This is a lie the enemy would like us to believe, that we are hopeless, not worth rescuing or saving, that we will never be good enough.  It may be true we have dysfunction and make mistakes, but what we do isn’t who we are.  Our dysfunction is an opportunity to grow closer to Jesus.  Our dependence in Him in what He’s able to do, helps us rely on His strength, not our own and trusts He is able.

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”  Galatians 2:20

Stepping into a place of vulnerability where our dysfunction is revealed can be a scary place to be!  Because that means we have to deal with ourselves and may have to do a lot of work to unravel the mess.  There is no one else I’d rather unravel my mess and peel back the layers of dysfunction with than Jesus.  He knows how to refine, restore, and renew me.

When we allow Jesus into our messes and dysfunction we become crucified in Him. It is no longer us who lives, but Him who lives in us. You are loved, friend! Click To Tweet

Are there dysfunctional patterns that have served you well?

How has dysfunction kept you stuck?

What is one action step you can take today that steps out of dysfunction into God’s presence?

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3 Reasons Why You Should Join A Book Club

Who are my avid readers out there?  What do you like to read?  What is your favorite genre of books?  This year one of my goals is to read 40 books in one year, which means I have to read 3 books a month.  I’ve been reading 1-2 books via audible, 1 book via kindle, and 1-2 hard copy books a month.  If you like to read, I would love to have you join me on the journey to read and discuss some of these books.

That is why I started my first book club, The Healing Book Club! (Click on link to join the FB Group)

We will read faith based books and books written by experts such as doctors on topics such as mental and emotional health, healing from pasts hurts, inspirational stories, and social injustice.  I love to learn and have conversations about books I’ve read and learn where I can grow and do better.  I’m excited to share this upcoming month’s book pick She Writes For Him, “Black Voices of Wisdom,”  written by a couple of my friends Kennita Williams and Carol Chisolm.  This May they will join us for the book club discussion.  We will be able to listen to their stories and ask them questions.  If you’re anyone like me, you’re probably thinking, I don’t have time to read a book and talk about it.  When I set my goal, I knew I needed accountability.

Click image to buy

Here are 3 Reasons Why You Should Join a Book Club:

 1.  To Be Intentional–  Have you ever heard the saying, ‘Nothing Changes, when Nothing Changes?’  When I’m doing the same thing over and over and expect something different to happen, that is the definition of insanity.  We can’t expect to have something new or different in our lives when we’re only viewing life from our own singular perspective.  Reading books from different authors and backgrounds, allows us to view life through the lens and eyes of someone not like us.  It allows us to hear their heart and what concerns them.  James tells us, “my beloved brothers:  let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;  (1:19).  Committing to reading a book a month, helps us to be intentional, and engage in interesting conversations about new topics.  It helps us to step out of our comfort zones and engage in new things.  Something always changes when we try something new.

2.  To learn and grow.  I’m always amazed how inspired I am when I learn something new about a topic.  I always feel so inspired after reading a book, and to make changes from the things I’ve read and learned.  That’s why I like to read the Bible, God’s instructions help keep me straight and identify where I am lacking and need to grow most.  2 Peter 3:18, “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.”  You will never regret being in a place of humbleness where you are willing to grow and learn.  I love to read books that make an impact and challenge me to do better.

3.  To engage, connect, and make new friendships.  Whenever I join a book club, I meet so many new people, and have engaging conversations I never would have had before.  Connection and togetherness is God’s design for our lives.  Reading books from the perspective of someone else who is different than us, broadens our sight and hearing beyond our own lens.  It allows us to walk across the street and move beyond the four walls of our homes.  “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).  We need each other to grow.  The connections and conversations we have in book clubs are life giving and something we can always take with us.  You never know what a conversation might spark or connection you will make in a book club that God will use for what he has for you next.

If you want to join the conversation and be a part of this next book club click on the link to join!  

Here is a description of the next book from Amazon.

Hear the Voices and Hearts of Your Sisters.

In these turbulent times when the ugly stain of racism is at the forefront of our society bringing rampant division and mistrust, we desperately need ways to come together.

To build bridges of understanding between all in the body of Christ, we bring you twenty-three voices of Black Christian women, authors, ministers, educators, leaders, and mothers. Their powerful life experiences and heartfelt wisdom will shake you, open your eyes, and help you understand your sisters in Christ.

From the ways women of color are treated in our society, to raising Black daughters and sons, how a Black woman can have a white supremacist attitude, to how to respond as Christ would have us, their life experiences will be a link in bridging the gap between us with love.

May this powerful volume be a part of the bridge of love and understanding we need to walk across with our sisters.

 

Other Books we will possibly read:

The Gift of Pain-  Phillip Yancey                                        Permission to Feel-  Dr. Marc Brackett

Be the Bridge-  Latasha Morrison                                     Together-  Dr. Vivek Murthy

Clean Up Your Mental Mess-  Dr. Caroline Leaf              The Power of Vulnerability-  Dr. Brené Brown

Get Out of Your Head-  Jennie Allen                                 Outliers-  Malcolm Gladwell

Oneness Embraced- Tony Evans                                      The Power of Moments-  Chip and Dan Heath

How to Fight Racism- Jemar Tisby                                   Boundaries-  Dr. Henry Cloud


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What Do You Want To Be Known For?

What do you want to be known for?  A Habakkuk Bible Study By Dannah Gresh

Isn’t it interesting what’s revealed when our world is in chaos, going through extreme circumstances?  Somethings not so good, but there’s other blessings that come out of hardships one would never expect.  I’ve been studying the book of Habakkuk, what a perfect book for these unprecedented times.  It’s a book about uncertainty, feeling forgotten, wondering if God is ever going to intervene.  Sounds a lot like what we’re all going through right now.  

The meaning of Habakkuk means to ‘embrace,’ or to ‘wrestle.’  Seems appropriate in the times we are in.  We can either embrace our situations and make the best of them or wrestle with them and suffer.  In the beginning of the book, Habakkuk cries out to God and asks,

“O LORD, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not hear?”  “Or cry to you, “Violence!” And you will not save?”  “Why do you make me see iniquity, and why do you idly look at wrong?”  “So the law is paralyzed, and justice never goes forth.  For the wicked surround the righteous;  so justice goes forth perverted.”  Habakkuk 1:1-2, 4.  

In other words, ‘God where are you?’ ‘There’s a lot of messed up stuff happening right now, why are you allowing it?’  

Sometimes waiting for God’s response when he seems silent can be excruciating, and an arduous process.  We can question, why isn’t God DOING something about all the violence, suffering, and injustice?  But here is some truth while we wait for those answers.  God is an eternal, faithful, mighty, holy God who is good all the time (Habakkuk 1:12-13).  No matter what is going on the world we can trust He is coming back and there will be a day where there is no more pain, suffering, or death (Revelations 21:4).  

Something from the study CONVICTED me.  Dannah Gresh talks about the book of Daniel and how he chooses to be resolved in front of king Nebuchadnezzar and not partake in their feasts.  Resolved means to settle or find solution to the problem.  One of the reasons why is because their feasts partook in idol worship in which Daniel would only worship his one true King, God.  King Nebuchadnezzar’s tantalizing tactics to seduce Daniel into a life of worshipping luxury failed.  Was it because Daniel was more faithful than the rest of us?  I mean who wouldn’t want to indulge in some steak and wine nightly and engorge themselves?  But Daniel referred back to what had kept him grounded, God’s TRUTH.  

What we're known for and what we WANT to be KNOWN for can be two different things. #known #LovedClick To Tweet

What Are You Known For?

Have you ever heard of the 10,000 hour rule?  A book written by Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers addresses what sets people a part from being average to excelling at something.  The short answer is being disciplined.  They become experts by spending more than twenty hours a week learning their craft.   We are what we invest ourselves in.  What activities do you invest your time in?  I admit during quarantine there was a lot of Netflix binge watching, baking, and maybe even the mindless scroll through social media, because there wasn’t the other daily activities of life to keep me busy. 

Here’s the shocking reality of what on average other American’s invested their time in: Scrolling through social media per week (21 hours), shopping on-line (20 hours), watching Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime (20 hours), Eating, food prep, thinking about eating (15 hours).Click To Tweet  

This kind of makes me feel like a sloth!  

I’m also guilty of not being intentional during this time.  The shutdown highlighted areas of my life where I lacked discipline.  It was important as ever to stay in a workout routine even though the gyms were shut down, to keep eating healthy even though restaurants were closed, to stay in God’s Word (have no excuse for this one).  It was easy to get out of the routine when one wasn’t established.  I had all of these high hopes of things I would accomplish with my family.  Some got done others did not.  

Wherever you live right now we don’t have to stop gathering together just because things shut down.  We can still gather just in a different way.  I am excited to do this Bible study with other women in my neighborhood some of us through zoom and some are in person, but we are still studying God’s Word TOGETHER!  It’s so important to still gather (in the safest way possible), stay connected in God’s Word, and BUILD RELATIONSHIPS!    We don’t have to stop growing just because things shut down. 

I don’t want to be known for my bad habits or things I regret from my past, or how many hours of Netflix I watched.  Does it really matter how many miles I run, or how many sit ups I do?  None of that makes me valuable or worthy.  I want God’s love to be known in me and to others so they know GOD LOVES THEM.  I FEEL like I’m failing at that right now, I could do BETTER.  

Spending time in Scripture allows me to hear God’s voice for what He wants me to prioritize and how to be intentional right now.  In my prayer time I’m asking God, ‘how can I love others well right now?’  ‘What do you want to be focused on?’ ‘How can I serve you when things look so different?’  

What do you want to be known for? What are you known for?

Are you struggling with being disciplined in any area of your life right now?

One of the ways I can do better is to be apart of the healing of our nation/world by educating myself about the wounds of racial diversity and unity.  I’m reading the book “Be the Bridge” by Latasha Morrison.  How can I say I want to do better if my life doesn’t reflect that?  I can say the words all I want, but if my actions don’t support it, then I am just a hypocrite.  The only way to have unity in diversity is to LISTEN, show empathy and compassion, get to know others who aren’t in my circle of comfort and LEARN  from them.  If your desire is to do better consider reading Be the Bridge, or start studying God’s Word and make it apart of your healthy habits.  

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How To Heal From Hidden Hurts: Half the Battle Book Review {& Giveaway!}

Have you ever faced a battle in your life and wondered ‘why me?’ or ‘when will this ever end?’  Well today you are in the right place.  I’m excited to share with you a book written by Dr. Jon Chasteen, Half the Battle:  Healing From Hidden Hurts.  A lot of us go through life discrediting the hidden hurts and trauma of our past, stuffing it down to hidden areas where it can’t hurt us anymore.  We tell ourselves lies, ‘they don’t matter,’ or ‘I’m fine, that was the past,’ when in reality we keep those hurts hidden away, not healed from them, just put in a different area of our hearts.

Funny thing how the body works.  It wants to heal.  Although this method of suppression will serve you well for probably many years, it never lasts.  God has a way of surfacing those hidden areas we’ve managed to keep ‘safe,’ by nudging us into areas of His eternal healing.  It’s our choice whether we want to be healed or keep sitting on our mats like the paralyzed man.

“Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb.  It was a cave, and a stone lay against it.  Jesus said, “Take away the stone.”  Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time thee will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.”  Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?”  John 11:38-40 ESV.

In biblical times, the dead weren’t necessarily buried but put in caves with large stones to seal them (cave burials were for the wealthy).  They did this so there wouldn’t be the horrific odor from the dead that was buried there.  The odor was kept hidden by the stone.  Dr. Chasteen calls this the ‘stench behind the stone.’  He uses this example as a parallel of our undealt with pain.

'Jesus is not okay with permanently sealed tombs.' #quote Dr. Jon Chasteen #HalftheBattle #healingClick To Tweet

How To Heal From Hidden Hurts

What’s so amazing about the story of Lazarus is, everyone had started the mourning process, there was no possibility of a miracle, their loved one was dead, end of story–Jesus entered the scene and changed everything.  So why allow Lazarus’ sisters Mary and Martha, and all his loved ones go through all that pain in the first place?  To show us what it looks like to invite Jesus into our pain.  Dr. Chasteen, uses the story of Lazarus to paint the picture of what we do with our pain.  How we try to bury our pain and seal it off in a grave without truly healing from it.  He wants us to see what happens when we invite Jesus into our pain, how miracles and healing happen when we do.

Jesus can resurrect any pain and bring it back to life Click To Tweet

Our pain is Jesus’ pain.  You’re pain matters to him.  “Jesus knows where you’ve hidden your pain” (quote, Chasteen).  He wants us to take Him to that exact place where we stopped believing and gave up hope.  Healing isn’t healing if it’s done half-way.  Jesus knows the way to heal because He is our Healer.

Maybe your pain stems from the pain of rejection.  Or from the pain of being abandoned or forgotten.  Maybe you’ve been the victim of abuse or racism.

Whatever the root of our pain, 'God can take whatever pain, whatever rejection, and whatever shame you carry and use it for His glory and for your good' #quote Chasteen #halfthebattleClick To Tweet

The enemy will always use our pain for his evil plan.  He’ll whisper lies it’s better to keep our pain hidden, attach shame to it, not allow Jesus in to help us, and to carry this burden on our own.  We can’t change the pain of our pasts.  We can’t pretend our past didn’t happen.  We can only take steps towards allowing Jesus to have access to all areas of our hearts so He can heal the forgotten hidden areas of our heart.  What the enemy uses for evil God will use for good (Genesis 50:20).

I will never forget when God did this for me in my life.  I knew there were areas of pain and hurt I was holding onto.   I knew God was nudging me to deal with them and allow Him to lead Him to the root.  I kept saying, ‘no,’ until one day I couldn’t say, ‘no,’ anymore.  He had brought me to the very place our son died in the hospital, when our daughter had broken the tip of her finger.  God asked me in this moment, ‘Do you want to heal?’  I finally said, ‘yes.’  He then nudged me to walk into the place that caused so much of my pain, the room where our son died.  The moment I stepped into the room, God gave me an overwhelming sense of peace, letting me know, you don’t have to hold onto your pain anymore, I have your son, I’m taking care of Him, you will see him again one day.

The key to healing is our willingness to heal.

Healing is hard but so worth it.  Half the battle is being willing.  Our willingness allows for places of honesty and vulnerability places where Jesus will do His amazing work in us, when we allow Him.  We don’t always have to know how only trust that God knows a better way.  We will never find healing and restoration in shame and pride.  Everlasting peace and freedom will only happen when we partner with Jesus and let Him in, not when we try to carry our burdens on our own.  We were created and made to have a holy dependence in God not a holy independence (kind of never works out when we do).

God doesn’t always provide the front door approach to our pain, because He knows many of us won’t walk through it!  Sometimes He uses the back door approach, allows us to go through the battles, pain, and struggles so we can draw closer to Him and invite Him in.  If you struggle with allowing God to have your pain, Half the Battle will help lead you to those place where hidden hurts reside.  Dr. Chasteen will help you roll the stone away so you can deal with those hidden hurts that don’t allow one to heal.

Do you invite Jesus into your hidden hurts?

Where do you keep hidden hurts?

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3 Ways to Have More Joy in 2020


 

“The best news in the world is that there is no conflict between your greatest possible happiness and God’s perfect holiness. Being satisfied with all that God is for you in Jesus magnifies him as the greatest treasure and brings you more joy—eternal, infinite joy—than any other delight ever could.”  John Piper

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year’s holiday.  I’ve taken a few weeks off from writing and it’s been nice.  We all could use breaks and rest to be able to recharge and be refreshed.  How has your new year been shaping up?  Have you set goals, made resolutions?  Whatever your aspirations are I pray they are blessed beyond measure and filled with joy.

I’ve been reading a YouVersion Bible Reading Plan by John Piper called 15 Days in the Word with John Piper.

He talks about the secret of invincible joy and how our greatest rewards are in Jesus.  This message is something I’ve heard before, but never had I heard joy described as rescued.  Nothing can destroy or take away our joy, even in our suffering when it’s anchored in Jesus.  It is possible to keep our joy protected and safe even in the most painful of times when heaven is the reward.

'Great is your reward in heaven. And the sum of that reward is enjoying the fullness of the glory of Jesus Christ' quote John Piper (paraphrased John 17:24).Click To Tweet

Our greatest fulfillment will always come from what God can provide.  Nothing in this world could ever compete or compare to the eternal joy in which only God provides.

3 Ways to Have More Joy in 2020

1.  Give yourself the freedom to make mistakes and not beat yourself up over them.  To all the perfectionists out there write this down on a notecard and put it somewhere you can see it.  Say this to yourself everyday until this sinks in.  If there is one thing I struggle with, it’s being gentle with myself when I don’t make good choices.  I have a constant message in my head on repeat on how I could have done things better.

Thank goodness for God’s grace.  His grace was never meant to be abused to continue with bad behavior over and over but to help refine us and mold us through Him, not ourselves.  Joy will always be found in what God does in us.  Our mistakes don’t make us bad, they make us human.  God can do so much more with our mistakes when we surrender them to Him, then we could ever do ourselves.

2. Learn how to be emotionally honest with yourself.  Let’s face it, if we struggle with the ability to give ourselves grace when we mess up, we probably struggle with being realistic with our emotions.  Our emotions and mistakes don’t define us but what we do with them matters.  If we’re being honest with ourselves we’re able to own our own stuff and not constantly use blame or criticism to take the focus off ourselves.

Are you critical and judgmental of others?  Do you like to point out others mistakes in front of others?  Do you create chaos?  Looking within ourselves we might  discover when we’re critical of others we’re probably critical of ourselves.  Pointing out others’ flaws, doesn’t make your flaws as bad and then you don’t have to focus on yourself.  When you point out others mistakes, you probably aren’t secure with yourself and when other’s mistakes are magnified, no one is looking at your messes.  When patterns of chaos are created, then you don’t have to deal with your own problems when chaos is around.  If you want to have more joy in 2020, learn how to be emotionally honest, it’s the best gift you can give yourself.   Emotional honesty allows us to be emotionally available for others which is very enriching for relationships.

3.  Learn how to ‘BE’ instead of always doing.  Girl, if there’s one thing I could write to my younger self this would be it.  I’m ashamed to say how much of my energy has been wrapped up in doing, performing, and achieving.   Again if my focus was on the accomplishment I didn’t have to focus on myself.  Somehow my identity got tethered to these things and life became about doing.  God didn’t make human doings, he created human beings.  We were created ‘to be.’    We can be free in how God made us when we learn how to be.

We don’t always have to be the solution to every problem, the rescuer or savior (roles that were never meant for us in the first place).  Learning to be, means learning how to have balance when there are problems in your life.  Being means learning how to have more empathy for others when they are going through hard times.  Learning empathy allows for more compassion to be in our lives.  God wants us to learn how to BE love not DO love.  When we do, we put our own efforts into it and bypass God.  When we be, we allow God to work through and within us so His love overflows not the other way around.

Do you struggle with giving yourself grace when you make mistakes?

Are you able to be emotionally honest with yourself?

Do you struggle with being instead of doing?

Me too.  You’re not alone.  I struggle with every single one.  This is the beauty in our journey when we EMBRACE THE PROCESS.  It’s not about being perfect, getting it right all the time, it’s about learning to be well and allowing God to use EVERYTHING in His time.

How about you?  Do you desire to have more joy in 2020?  I do.  Learning to trust in the process God has put forth will always allow for His abundant joy to fill us, satisfy and complete us more than we could ever imagine.

Are you able to receive God's joy in your life?Click To Tweet

How can you have more joy in 2020?

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I will be taking a little break from blogging to be able to work on a project that God has been pressing on my heart.  In order to be obedient to what God has for me, I need to be realistic with my time.  I may post a new post from time to time, but it won’t be weekly.  I will keep you posted on what I’m doing and thank you all who read and subscribe to the posts, it means so much to me.  I am grateful.


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Why Do We Struggle with Being Authentic?

Have you ever struggled with being honest with yourself?  And wondered why is it so hard for me to be vulnerable and real?  Chances are you are not alone.  Many of us struggle with showing the world our real selves (me included) for fear of being criticized or judged.  For fear of not being liked or even outcasted from circles of friends.

If you work in any kind of team setting chances are you’ve already taken a Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, or HSP personality test to determine where you fall in the spectrum of being a team player or coachable.  How we perceive and receive information is vital in how we respond and grow.

Knowing who we are helps us to be the truest version of ourselves and not try to be something we’re not.  Most recently I’ve taken the Myer-Briggs test and discovered I’m an ENFJ which means I’m an extrovert, I’m intuitive, I process things through feelings and I have good judgement.

I actually scored very low on the extrovert making me closer to an introvert than I realized.  I get recharged by retreating to a quiet place by myself instead of throwing myself into a big crowd of people.

On the Enneagram I’m a 1 with a 2 wing.  And on the Highly Sensitive Person test I scored a 13, meaning a process information at a higher degree of emotion than others.

To not know who you really are, is a lonely place to be.  Chances are if there is a struggle in your life, maybe your struggle isn’t about what you’re really struggling with but a deeper conflict of denying your own self in how God made you.

Why Do We Struggle With Being Authentic?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of authentic is:  true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character.

Ask yourself these questions.

Do you allow others to see your real self?  Do you allow them to see not just the good parts about you, but the broken pieces, flaws and everything in between?

Are you a ‘doer’?  Meaning do you play the role of a ‘fixer’ and try to ‘do’ compassion for others by doing things for them, or can you just ‘be’ compassion for a friend?

Are you a chameleon and try to blend in a crowd (depending who’s there) or do you let your real personality come through no matter what situation you’re in?

Do you allow anyone to see your emotions when you’re happy, sad, frustrated or annoyed?  Or do you only share emotions with certain people you consider safe?

There are no right or wrong answers to these questions.  They are merely to probe a deeper response to ‘why’ do we do what we do?

Chances are many of us are afraid to show our real selves for fear of not being accepted or wanted by anyone.Click To Tweet

Sadly I think many of us adapt our personalities depending on our situations, to conform to the worldly ‘normal’ of what’s acceptable.  We deny who we are at the cost of fitting in.

We struggle with being authentic because……….

We don’t give ourselves the liberty to be honest and real.  When are busy being busy, we’re not able to sit and peel back the layers of what really lies beneath.  When we do we’ll be surprised to find there is a lot of good stuff under all those layers!  There is nothing under those layers God can’t mend!

We become human ‘doers’ instead human ‘beings.’  When we ‘do’ love instead of ‘being’ love, we become the rescuers and Saviors, two roles that are meant for Jesus, not us.  When we become love, we become a vessel for God’s love showing others the love that could only come from Jesus.

We hide our brokenness, keep our flaws hidden.  When we protect our flaws from being seen and not allow them to be brought into the light, we deny the essence of who we are, broken.  I’m not saying stand on a stage with a megaphone and shout to the world all of of your ugly secrets.  What I am saying is exercise wisdom by having people of accountability in your life that can help be a voice of wisdom.  Someone you can share your junk with who can pray for you and keep you straight.

To hide our brokenness is to hide Jesus.

Jesus didn’t come to die on the cross in secret.  He died on the cross for all the world to see to let them know salvation is a FREE gift for EVERYONE.  

To deny our brokenness is to deny Jesus.

We can never be authentic or live in God’s original design in our lives when we aren’t able to be honest with ourselves.

Do you know your TRUE self?

Do you feel like you have the FREEDOM to live how God created you?  Why or Why not?

Do you struggle with being authentic?

How can you be more authentic today?

If you struggle with being who you are, try taking a personality test.  Try writing a letter to yourself, telling yourself it’s okay to be you.  Write down your personality traits.  Which ones do you allow others to see?  Which ones do you hide and ask why do you hide these traits?

Or find an accountability partner, a wise mentor, or a life coach to help in your journey in getting back to your TRUE self.  Start journaling and seeking God in prayer of what He desires for you.

When we deny who we are in how God made us we are missing out on God's original design and purpose in our lives. Click To Tweet

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  Romans 12:12

Praise God, when we embrace God’s purpose for us, we will always be able to live in our most authentic selves.

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When You’re Identity Isn’t You’re Identity

In case you haven’t noticed, anyone you talk to nowadays has had their DNA tested by some sort of DNA testing company such as ancestry and 23 and me.  These companies make it so easy, just swab or spit into the container they provide and ship off the specimen in the mail.  They are not only able to test what your ancestral composition is but your genetic health as well.

People choose to have their DNA tested for all sorts of reasons.  It could be they were adopted and want to know more information about where they came from.  It could be to find out if their ancestral heritage is really what they’ve been told.  Or they just want to know if they have a variant for a certain genetic disorder.

Whatever the reason, people are curious about what makes up their genetic DNA, because that makes us who we are.

When You’re Identity Isn’t You’re Identity

I recently had my DNA tested and was very surprised to find out what I discovered.  I knew I was Scottish and British and was told my whole life I was Native American.  Well, DNA is DNA and evidence does not lie.  My DNA did not show one drop of Native American blood.  In fact it showed I was 8% African American and 5% Ashkenazi Jew among 13% French German and 2% Scandinavian and Spanish/Portuguese.

I was quite surprised to discover my DNA didn’t show what I was told my whole life.  What I’ve discovered on this journey, is creating a family tree to trace back who your ancestors really are helps.  I have found there is some truth to what I’ve been told and what my DNA shows.

The only problem is once one starts digging into the past and building family trees, one might discover there’s a lot of skeletons in the closet that some don’t want uncovered.

We all have messed up and broken pasts that may reveal ugly parts of our past.  Even Jesus did.  Check out this short video done by Bible Gateway that shows the messed up past of Jesus’ genealogy.  He was related to Rahab the prostitute, King David a rapist and murder, And King Solomon a big time polygamist. Click here to watch the short video.

One might think how can Jesus our Savior, who never sinned have such a messed up past? Click To Tweet

We may want to dismiss our own broken pieces of our past to somehow make us more ‘holy’ if we didn’t have these things as a part of our lives.  But the Bible doesn’t cover up the brokenness of Jesus’ past or anyone for that matter.  In fact, the Bible leads with the brokenness of the most highly esteemed people in the Bible.

To cover up the broken pieces of our lives is to cover up Jesus.Click To Tweet

We miss out on our true purpose and identity when we deny how God made us.  We may not like our flaws, our idiosyncrasies, or even our past mistakes, but it is how God made us and will use everything for His greater plan.

Our brokenness and past mistakes don't define us, our choices and who God says we are does.Click To Tweet

What’s so amazing about Jesus’ history is no matter who we are, no matter what our past reveals he can identify with our messes!

Our identities will never be found in our past.  They will never be found in what we wear or even how much money we make.  They will never be found in titles, the more we have or how many people we know.

Our true identity will always be found in Jesus in who he says we are.  Hallelujah praise God for that!

We all have different genetic DNA, but when we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior we all have the same spiritual DNA making us all apart of God’s big family.

“God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.”  Ephesians 1:5 NLT

We obtain a new identity in Christ when we accept Him as our Savior.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”  Galatians 2:20

We no longer want or desire our old ways.

“Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”  Galatians 5:24

We become a new person in Christ.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”  2 Corinthians 5:17

Our old selves are no longer. 

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”  Philippians 1:21

To live in Christ is to gain.

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” Phil. 3:8 ESV

Friend, you were made for this.

Your past does not need you, your future does.

You were made and created just the way you are for God's bigger plan and purpose. Praise God our identities aren't in what this world says but in who God says we are. Click To Tweet

Have you ever believed something about your identity that wasn’t true?

What part of your identity do you struggle with?

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