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Why Is It So Hard To Heal?

Hello!  It’s been a while.  I’ve been taking a much needed break this year from blogging to concentrate on a deficient area of my life, self-care.  A moment of honesty–there were areas of my life I didn’t realize needed healing and attention.  I kept hitting walls that wouldn’t allow me to move forward or I would build walls to protect me from any hurts in my life.  There would be times I was losing a grip on keeping my sanity and serenity in a healthy place.  I had to ask the question, Why did this keep happening?

Well, nothing changes when nothing changes.  I had to be real with the adversity in my life.  I couldn’t ignore emotional scars from my past or traumas that trickled into the hidden corners of my relationships in my life.  Whenever a trigger or hardship evolved these past hurts hiding in the corners came out like a raging river.  Over these past months and years, I’ve been doing a lot of reading and research on how adversity changes the emotional landscapes of how we cope and heal.  I’ve had to look within myself and do some self-discovery of why am I the way I am?

Growing up a horrible lie was born into my life, I wasn’t wanted. Nothing my parents did make me feel this way, but it’s the message I received because of my circumstances.  My parents were very young when my sister and I were born, divorced by the time we were two, we lived with my grandparents for a couple of years until my father remarried and we moved back in with him in our new family and visited our mother on the weekends.  We didn’t talk about our problems or address them much because no one knew how.  My parents are a byproduct of my grandparents who grew up in the great depression where you don’t complain and you just kept going.  Problems or mistakes were to be hidden so no one knew our flaws.  No one talked about the fact there was mental illness and struggles with alcohol that affected our family.

“Am I a God at hand, delcares the Lord, and not a God far away?  Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him?  declares the Lord.  Do I not fill heaven and earth?  declares the Lord”. Jeremiah 23:23-24.

No wonder why it’s so hard to heal!?!?!  No one likes to talk about their flaws and problems.  But it’s such a necessary step in accepting how God made us and how He will use our circumstances for good.  I became really good at hiding from what was hidden beneath the surface for so many years.  I was a people pleaser.  Helping others and pleasing people became my hiding place.  If I could please others and make sure their needs were met, I didn’t have any problems.  If I could fix, solve, save, or rescue others from their problems then I was good.  The problem with this method of dealing with problems was I wasn’t dealing with my own problems.  I wasn’t depending on God to mend my hurts, I was co-dependent on others to mend me.  This method will never serve anyone well in the end, because it bypasses Jesus and doesn’t allow Him to be the Mender and Healer.

There is only One Healer and He is Jesus.Click To Tweet

It wasn’t until I started counseling, I discovered I was a co-dependent.  I had developed unhealthy coping mechanisms to get my needs filled, to heal the wound I wasn’t wanted, which gave birth to other lies I was inadequate, not good enough.  I was a mess.  I had to unravel years of dysfunctional unhealthy behavior.  It has been very hard to peel back those layers, but so worth it and necessary in my healing process.  If I wasn’t willing to go beneath the surface and ask the question of why I do what I do, did things start to change for me?  I had to identify I wasn’t really putting my trust in God when I was going ahead of Him trying to heal myself through others.  I had to acknowledge there was a difference between just treating symptoms to get by or really do the work to heal.

We will never discover the fullness of our worth when we hide from God's healing.Click To Tweet

“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed;  save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise” Jeremiah 17:14

What you do isn’t who you are.  The effects adversity has on our lives is real.  Even if you don’t have a life born into adversity there still are stressors and hardships that make life difficult.  Being real with who you are in how God made you and learning how to maneuver through the adversity in your life is crucial.  I want to introduce to you the ACE score. It stands for Adversity Childhood Experience.  This score is on a 10 point scale, 10 being the most and 0 being the least. The higher your ACE score before the age of 18 determines based on statistics whether you are more prone to criminal activity, alcoholism, mental illness, and other chronic diseases.  Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, a pediatrician, and California Surgeon General has dedicated her life work to adversity and making it apart of integrative health, looking at the person as a whole, getting to the root of underlying issues, not just treating symptoms.

My ACE score by the time I was seven years old was a six.  My score put me into a very high-risk category or being susceptible to a whole slew of addictions and chronic illnesses.  Dr. Burke explains the neuroscience behind our stress, adversity, and why we do what we do.  She also explains why it’s so important to lower our ACE scores so we can leave behind a healthy legacy for the next generation.  I encourage you to take the ACE quiz to see what you score.  To take the quiz click here.

You are loved, my friend.  You are worth it!  You are an overcomer in Christ.  Your circumstances and adversity don’t define you, God does.  You are known in his love.  We don’t have to hide from who we are in Christ, praise God for that!

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Do you struggle with co-dependency(aka self-love deficit?  I would love to hear from you! Leave your comments below!

Self-Care conference

Need a Break? Do you feel like this world is getting more chaotic and you just want some peace and rest?

I am so honored to be one of the 50+ Women Speakers at the 2020 Christian Women’s Self-Care Conference.  There will be live workshops filled with lots of much needed goodness!  And get this, it’s FREE!!!!!! (But for a limited time only). Take advantage of watching this conference in the comfort of your own home.  Take time for yourself.  Learn what areas of your life could use a little healing and attention.  I am excited about my workshop:  You are Known:  Loving Yourself Well which will be on day three and I address the struggles of co-dependency.

To register either Click Here or on the image.  To view, a complete list of speakers and workshops click on the link at the bottom of the page near the registration button.  Make sure to join me over the next 12 days on Facebook and Instagram.  I will be doing LIVE chats and giveaways!  Let’s get the conversation started!

What area of your life do you need the most self-care?

 

I am so excited to see what God will do in your life through this conference.  Please share in the comments and start a conversation.  You are loved, my friend!

 


There is Victory in Celebration!

“Everything has its time.  “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:  A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted:  A time to kill, And a time to heal;  A time to break down, And a time to build up:  A time to weep, And a time to laugh;  A time to mourn, And a time to dance;”  Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

It’s Time to Celebrate!  This season we are celebrating…..

  • The Start of a New School Year
  • One year of blogging!
  • A New Bible Study:  “The Victorious Life”

A lot has happened over this past year.  It’s hard to believe it’s been a whole year since I took a step of faith and started blogging on heathergillis.com.  God was calling me to write.  I had no idea what I was doing, no idea how to get started.  But then God stepped in….. He made everything happen.  I only had only had to take one step of faith and God opened the many doors of opportunity.

Our steps of faith are meant to be celebrated.  Our steps of faith lead to God’s greater victory.  

If we never took steps of faith, we would never see all that God can do.  We would never see how all-powerful God really is.  You may be enduring a trial that seems way too much to handle.  Or carrying a burden that seems way too heavy to carry.  You are not meant to go through these trials and burdens alone.  God is with you and will be your strength and your comfort.

There is Victory in our Trials and Burdens.

There is Victory in our Steps of Faith.  

Keep holding onto God’s promises.  His love and truth mends broken hearts, eternally heals, and allows us to be filled with His abundance of everything He has to offer. You can rejoice even in your circumstances because of God’s love for you.  Here are 10 reminders when life has you feeling defeated.  Don’t allow the lies of Satan to keep you defeated.  You are victorious!  Nothing in this world can ever change God’s love for you!

10 Victory Bible Verses to Remind you:  You Are Victorious!  1.  “The LORD is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.”  Psalm 118:14 NLT

2.   “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”  1 Corinthians 15:57-58 ESV

3.  “I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.”  1 Peter 1:6-7 MSG

4.  “For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.” Deuteronomy 20:4 NIV

5.  “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

6.  “for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.” 1 John 5:4

7.  “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” 1 Corinthians 15:55 NIV

8.  “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:37-39 NIV

9.  For the Lord takes delight in his people;  he crowns the humble with victory. Let his faithful people rejoice in this honor and sing for joy on their beds.  Psalm 149:4-5

10.  “The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the LORD.”  Proverbs 21: 31 ESV

“Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God;  I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you, with my victorious right hand.”  (Isaiah 41:10, RSV).  

We are over-comers in our faith.  These trials refine us like pure gold, building our strength, preparing us for greater things to come, which give birth to something new.

When we celebrate what God has done for us;  it leads us from defeated to victorious.  You are meant to live the most victorious ever in Jesus.  No matter what your circumstances are, you can celebrate because of what Jesus has done for you!  It’s time to celebrate!

There is Victory in Celebration.    

Jesus changes everything. In Jesus, we are never defeated! Click To Tweet

What are you celebrating?

Has God called you to take a step of faith?  

How has Jesus changed your life?  

Did you like this blog post?  Please share with others!  If you would like more encouraging messages sent right to your inbox, Subscribe to my blog and receive a weekly Monday Message or like my Author Facebook page to catch the latest posts.  Have a Blessed Week!

I would love to hear from you.  Leave your comments below.

Free Printable Bookmark. Click on the link to download. Victorious Bible Verses-3.  

  


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