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A Letter From Jesus: A note to my inner Enneagram

 

This year has been a really hard year for me in regard to discovering things about myself I never knew.  It’s been a year God has been using to grow me in ways I never knew I needed.  I’ve done a lot of soul-searching, reading and just spending time with God.  I’ve read books like “Kill the Spider,” “Soul Detox,” “Nehemiah,” and “The Road Back to You.”   Based on the titles of these books you can guess what kind of person I am, which ironically I didn’t know about myself until just recently–I’m a perfectionist.  Anyone who knows me would say, ‘there’s no way you’re a perfectionist’ based on what they see outwardly, but inwardly quite frankly, I beat myself up every day.

In Kill The Spider, I learned I need to kill the spider creating cobwebs in my life.  If I never target the very thing creating the mess, the mess will just keep reoccurring over and over.

In Soul Detox, I learned I need to get rid of the things contaminating my life, whether it be relationships, things in my environment, or what I’m goes into my ears and eyes, holding onto things that are toxic will only make for more toxicity.

In The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery, I learned I am a one with a two-wing, which in enneagram language means I am a reformer at heart, I want to change the world and I have helper qualities.  For anyone who has taken a personality test and doesn’t like to be pegged to a number, this is more than labeling you into a certain category.  This book has helped me see myself the way God sees me, to not allow my flaws and inadequacies define me or make me stumble, but embrace them to be used the way God intended for them.

My flaws make me closer to God and more dependent upon Him. If I didn't have inadequacies, I wouldn't need God. Click To Tweet

I can be overly critical or judgmental of myself at times.  I constantly go over in my head how I could have done things better, how something could be improved, what I wish I would have said.  It can get tiring hearing these voices in my head over and over pointing out mistakes I’ve made, telling me whatever I did wasn’t good enough.

Sometimes I just need a break from myself and replace these nagging voices with what God says about me.   I have to be careful not to allow the inner critic in me or my constant comparison to unrealistic standards pull me down to the point I can’t hear God’s voice.  So I turn to the One who knows me best.

A Letter From Jesus:

Dear Child,  You are loved.  I want to remind you, you are good enough.  You are more than your failures, you are more than your past mistakes.  You aren’t the labels you have put on yourself.  You are definitely not the lies the enemy has told you.  You are who I say you are.  I have created you just the way you are for a reason.  Your flaws don’t define you, I do.  I will use your flaws for my greater plan.  Stay close to me.  Depend on me for all your needs.

Find refuge and peace in my presence, don’t go ahead of me.  I have the greatest plans for you.  Trust in my goodness and in what I’m able to do.  Don’t focus on your obstacles, your mistakes or flaws, stay focused on me and my purpose for you.  I will guide you if you let me.  I accept and love you for who you are.  Don’t allow your flaws to hold you back or keep you from participating in the plans I have for you. Don’t beat yourself up.  Don’t seek your value and worth in the comparison of others, find your value and worth in Me.  Be gentle and forgiving with yourself when you make mistakes.

Surround yourself with my truth in who I say you are.  I created you.  Seek your identity in me, guard yourself against the lies of the world surround yourself with my truth.  You may not be where you want to be, sweet child, this is a journey, not a race, enjoy it.  You are one of my best creations.  I find joy in you.  I will be your strength.  You are loved whether you succeed or fail.  It’s okay if things aren’t perfect.  I will use you to display my perfection. You are loved and you are good enough.  I will never leave you.  I am here for you, hold onto my promises, we will do this together.

Love, Jesus

A couple pieces of advice I give myself to help battle through the process of perfectionism are,

  1.  Give yourself permission to laugh at yourself.  I tend to be serious at times and just need to have a good ole chuckle when I do make mistakes or don’t say things perfectly.
  2. When the volume of your inner critic starts getting loud, smile and say I appreciate your help but I am learning how to accept and embrace my imperfections.  Say, “I am who God says I am, He loves me just the way I am, it’s okay if it’s not perfect.”
  3. Find a hobby you enjoy doing just because you like doing it.  I have picked up card-making (I’m not that good at it), but it’s one of those hobbies I enjoy and give myself the liberty to mess up and be okay with it, because the cards I give to people give purpose to the reformer in me, helping others when life hurts.
  4. Surround yourself with God’s word of who He says you are.  Read Scripture about who God says you are (Psalm 139:14 and 2 Timothy 1:7).  Listen to Lauren Daigle’s song, “You say,” or Hillsong’s song, “I am Who You Say I am.”  

If you know anyone who struggles with perfectionism or who they are in Christ here are other helpful articles I’ve written that have helped me in the process.

Failures Don’t Define Us

You Are Not Qualified

God is refining us.  One of the best lessons I am learning on this journey is to embrace God’s purpose for me despite my flaws and obstacles.  If you are a One on the Enneagram and can relate to this message please leave a comment, I would love to hear from you.  Authors of The Road Back to you write, “May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique, behind every facade of your life is something eternally beautiful.  May you learn to see yourself with the same delight, pride and expectation which God sees you in every moment” (Cron and Stable).

Join me in the journey of embracing who you are in Christ by taking the Free Enneagram test and reading “The Road Back to You.”  It’s not about labels but living in the healthiest version of yourself and allowing God to use all of you including your flaws.

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Parts of Mark Batterson’s Whisper How to Hear the Voice of God 5-day Reading Plan from the You Version Bible reading plan were used for this post.
Cron, I. M. (2016). The road back to you: An Enneagram journey to self-discovery. Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press

You Are Not Qualified

Have you ever had someone tell you, you’re not qualified? You don’t measure up?

For many years I ashamed to say, I had believed this very lie about myself.  Unfortunately, at the impressionable age of 13, I had a teacher tell me something very similar. One day in front of the entire class she had me stand up and spoke these words to me, “You’ll never amount to anything in life but a hairdresser.” And then the entire class proceeded to laugh at me. In that very moment, a lie was born.

From that point forward I believed, I’ll never amount to anything. I’ll never measure up. I’m inadequate, I’ll never be enough.  Personally, I have nothing against hairdressers, they make a very good living. However, it was the “You’ll never amount to anything” part that hurt. From that moment on, I believed a lie. I wasn’t smart, I could never achieve what other people could, all from words spoken probably from a teacher who had been hurt in life and was just taking it out on me. But at the age of 13, I was just discovering who I was. At that time I needed a teacher who believed in me, to build me up, not tear me down and crush my spirit.

I am sure the teacher that day was looking

at me from the outside, never bothering to get to know who I really was.  Her words labeled me as a ditzy girl for the rest of my middle school through high school years. I may have not always thought about what I said before I said it. I may not have come across as the most intelligent person. But that doesn’t give someone the liberty to tear them down or crush their spirit at the expense of gaining a laugh and potentially changing the trajectory of someone’s path.

Proverbs 18:20 NLT The tongue can bring death or life.

Our words have the ability to either bring life or death to another. How will we choose to use our words? To build or destroy?

Those words, sadly, paved a path of what others thought of me and they treated me as such. Looking back it didn’t matter what others thought of me. It only mattered what God thought of me. But thankfully God gave me a strong-willed spirit. Those words stirred something deep in my soul, that said, “I’ll show her.” Those words made me try harder, and more determined I wasn’t going to fail.

The human faulted flesh of mine would love to look that teacher up and give her a long list of all of my worldly successes. I would love to tell her how I exceeded well beyond her limited view of me and shame on her for picking on a kid!

I learned something very powerful from all of this. Just because a teacher said something about me, someone I trusted or valued as an authority figure doesn’t mean it’s the truth.

What she said may have been true—I’ll never measure up. But it wasn’t the truth.

It may be true I’ll never measure up to what the world says. I’ll never be enough. I’ll never be qualified. I will always be inadequate.

But thankfully I can rest in who God says I am and break free from what the world says I’ll never be. My weaknesses and flaws will never get me to where I need to go, but God’s strength will.

John 8:32 And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.Click To Tweet

By the standards of the world I’ve accomplished

many great things, but none of those compare to what God has accomplished in me. Because of God’s truth, I am set free from the lie I believed so long ago and what the world thinks. I don’t have to carry the chains of my past into my future. I believe who God says I am, the one who created me and knows me best.

I am more than the words the teacher said to me that day, I am who God says I am.

 

Have you ever been told you’ll never measure up?

I wonder if the great leaders in the Bible ever had someone tell them they’d never measure.
Moses had a stuttering and anger problem.
David had an affair and killed a man.
Jonah was stubborn and disobeyed God.
Peter denied Jesus 3 times.

And yet God still used them. We all have our flaws. We all have our inadequacies. Praise God, we can be free in who God says we are.

Listen to You Say sung by Lauren Daigle and be free in who God says you are…..

You say I am loved
You say I am strong
You say I am held
You say I am yours
I believe what you say of me……..

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