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How To Heal From Hidden Hurts: Half the Battle Book Review {& Giveaway!}

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Have you ever faced a battle in your life and wondered ‘why me?’ or ‘when will this ever end?’  Well today you are in the right place.  I’m excited to share with you a book written by Dr. Jon Chasteen, Half the Battle:  Healing From Hidden Hurts.  A lot of us go through life discrediting the hidden hurts and trauma of our past, stuffing it down to hidden areas where it can’t hurt us anymore.  We tell ourselves lies, ‘they don’t matter,’ or ‘I’m fine, that was the past,’ when in reality we keep those hurts hidden away, not healed from them, just put in a different area of our hearts.

Funny thing how the body works.  It wants to heal.  Although this method of suppression will serve you well for probably many years, it never lasts.  God has a way of surfacing those hidden areas we’ve managed to keep ‘safe,’ by nudging us into areas of His eternal healing.  It’s our choice whether we want to be healed or keep sitting on our mats like the paralyzed man.

“Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb.  It was a cave, and a stone lay against it.  Jesus said, “Take away the stone.”  Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time thee will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.”  Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?”  John 11:38-40 ESV.

In biblical times, the dead weren’t necessarily buried but put in caves with large stones to seal them (cave burials were for the wealthy).  They did this so there wouldn’t be the horrific odor from the dead that was buried there.  The odor was kept hidden by the stone.  Dr. Chasteen calls this the ‘stench behind the stone.’  He uses this example as a parallel of our undealt with pain.

'Jesus is not okay with permanently sealed tombs.' #quote Dr. Jon Chasteen #HalftheBattle #healingClick To Tweet

How To Heal From Hidden Hurts

What’s so amazing about the story of Lazarus is, everyone had started the mourning process, there was no possibility of a miracle, their loved one was dead, end of story–Jesus entered the scene and changed everything.  So why allow Lazarus’ sisters Mary and Martha, and all his loved ones go through all that pain in the first place?  To show us what it looks like to invite Jesus into our pain.  Dr. Chasteen, uses the story of Lazarus to paint the picture of what we do with our pain.  How we try to bury our pain and seal it off in a grave without truly healing from it.  He wants us to see what happens when we invite Jesus into our pain, how miracles and healing happen when we do.

Jesus can resurrect any pain and bring it back to life Click To Tweet

Our pain is Jesus’ pain.  You’re pain matters to him.  “Jesus knows where you’ve hidden your pain” (quote, Chasteen).  He wants us to take Him to that exact place where we stopped believing and gave up hope.  Healing isn’t healing if it’s done half-way.  Jesus knows the way to heal because He is our Healer.

Maybe your pain stems from the pain of rejection.  Or from the pain of being abandoned or forgotten.  Maybe you’ve been the victim of abuse or racism.

Whatever the root of our pain, 'God can take whatever pain, whatever rejection, and whatever shame you carry and use it for His glory and for your good' #quote Chasteen #halfthebattleClick To Tweet

The enemy will always use our pain for his evil plan.  He’ll whisper lies it’s better to keep our pain hidden, attach shame to it, not allow Jesus in to help us, and to carry this burden on our own.  We can’t change the pain of our pasts.  We can’t pretend our past didn’t happen.  We can only take steps towards allowing Jesus to have access to all areas of our hearts so He can heal the forgotten hidden areas of our heart.  What the enemy uses for evil God will use for good (Genesis 50:20).

I will never forget when God did this for me in my life.  I knew there were areas of pain and hurt I was holding onto.   I knew God was nudging me to deal with them and allow Him to lead Him to the root.  I kept saying, ‘no,’ until one day I couldn’t say, ‘no,’ anymore.  He had brought me to the very place our son died in the hospital, when our daughter had broken the tip of her finger.  God asked me in this moment, ‘Do you want to heal?’  I finally said, ‘yes.’  He then nudged me to walk into the place that caused so much of my pain, the room where our son died.  The moment I stepped into the room, God gave me an overwhelming sense of peace, letting me know, you don’t have to hold onto your pain anymore, I have your son, I’m taking care of Him, you will see him again one day.

The key to healing is our willingness to heal.

Healing is hard but so worth it.  Half the battle is being willing.  Our willingness allows for places of honesty and vulnerability places where Jesus will do His amazing work in us, when we allow Him.  We don’t always have to know how only trust that God knows a better way.  We will never find healing and restoration in shame and pride.  Everlasting peace and freedom will only happen when we partner with Jesus and let Him in, not when we try to carry our burdens on our own.  We were created and made to have a holy dependence in God not a holy independence (kind of never works out when we do).

God doesn’t always provide the front door approach to our pain, because He knows many of us won’t walk through it!  Sometimes He uses the back door approach, allows us to go through the battles, pain, and struggles so we can draw closer to Him and invite Him in.  If you struggle with allowing God to have your pain, Half the Battle will help lead you to those place where hidden hurts reside.  Dr. Chasteen will help you roll the stone away so you can deal with those hidden hurts that don’t allow one to heal.

Do you invite Jesus into your hidden hurts?

Where do you keep hidden hurts?

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You Were Made For Greatness: 10 Lessons We Learn From David

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You were made for greatness. All of us were. This is the first time I’ve written on my blog in six months, it was good to take a much-needed break to be able to rest and focus on a writing project I’m working on. I’ve had the opportunity to review this amazing book”. I AM David, 10 Lessons in Greatness. What a great and timely message to share. I LOVED this book and EVERYTHING I learned. This book is one of my favorite ways to study the Bible, study the person, and what they go through, study their flaws, strengths, make them human and relatable.

Dr. Jimmy Evans is a Pastor of Gateway Church in Texas and founder CEO of MarriageToday. He is author of many other books and hosts of the TV show The Overcoming Life. In his books and television show, it’s apparent his mission is to help others step into the greatness God created them for—to be overcomers in Christ.

Life has so many defeating circumstances it’s hard not to be overwhelmed by them. I AM David gives 10 valid, relatable lessons through the faith, strengths, weakness, failures, and successes of David. His life and heart have paved a pathway for greatness we can follow. Here are my favorite lessons from the book.

10 Lessons of Greatness we learn from David:

1. “You won’t discover your true greatness until you find it on the battlefield.”— When you read about David in the Bible, he was one of great valor, what great leaders were made of, he even was good looking. I love his perspective of what makes us great isn’t in our accomplishments, it’s staying on the battlefield. We all know the scened when David goes to the rooftop, sees Bathsheba, has an affair, covers it up by having her husband killed. I didn’t realize in the context I’ve read many times before, David was supposed to be out of the battlefield not on the rooftop getting into trouble! “The rooftop is a place of darkness, where people try to escape from God’s will for their lives” (quote Jimmy Evans). He says the rooftop will always rob us of being great. The devil knows our weakness and will take every opportunity to put us in the right place for us to fail. You can’t hide from sin. Sometimes we retreat to those rooftops out of fear of what we will face on the battlefield. We will always have fears but can trust in God’s courage to get us through, it is enough. We have to face our fears, commit to courage, and do what’s right despite our fears.

“The secret of peace is not resting on the rooftop. It is winning on the battlefield” #Quote #IAMDavid #JimmyEvansClick To Tweet

2. “Taking responsibility is what makes the difference between failure and success.” Amen to that! If there is one quality about David I admire was his ability to own his own stuff, be willing to admit, ‘I messed up, please forgive me.’ He didn’t use blame, avoid, run, or hide from his sin, he repented and became one of the greatest leaders of the Bible because he took responsibility for his own actions.

3. “Rise above the pain of the past.”— Have you ever met someone who always played the victim card and wasn’t able to move beyond their past? I’m here to tell you, the past does not need you anymore, the future does. I didn’t realize from David’s upbringing his possible strained relationship with his dad and rejection by his brother Eliab could have played a part in David’s choices. It’s so important to acknowledge the wounds of our hearts and deal with them, not to substitute other things to mend them like alcohol, drugs, food, or work. There comes a time where we have to make the decision and ask am I willing to be well? Or do I want to keep lingering in the past? Facing the pain of our past can be one of the most freeing things we can do to severe the chains of bondage.

4. David the worshipper- One can’t read the Bible without going through the book of Psalms or memorizing a few lines from it. Psalms is filled with David’s heartache and praises. His ability to praise and worship God is one of the most astounding accounts in the Bible. I admit I can fail in this department and question when I don’t feel God near, oh it’s because of my poor worship! I love how David is able to be real with his feeling and emotions and create this intimate relationship with God. It’s a place to get rid of your bitterness, anger, and pride, lay it at God’s feet and allow Him to have it. Worship invites God’s presence to be powerful in our lives. Worship is worth no matter the cost. It helps us turn away from laziness and make our focus on God and not other things distracting us in our lives. In order to be great, we have “to be willing to esteem God more than the opinion of others.”

“Worship without a price is false worship” #quote Jimmy Evans I AM DavidClick To Tweet

5. Be Positive Regardless of the Circumstances- David has a pretty impressive track record on the battlefield. He killed lions and bears when he was a shepherd boy, he led mighty men to win many battles, he thought like a winner, battles were won and giants fell. He had “faith-focused thinking that was God-directed and reward-oriented.” He believed in the living God when he fought Goliath. The stone didn’t kill him his faith and Go’s power did. He didn’t overthink what if? Or how will I be able? He just went for it. He was under the authority and covenant of God, Goliath wasn’t, therefore David was under God’s protection. When we are under God’s protection we can defeat any enemy!

“If the only tool you have is a hammer, you will see every problem as a nail.”

When we fight for God, we must accept the fact we will have resistance. Sometimes we need to change our tools to fight, not every problem will be a nail. Don’t let resistance keep you back from greatness.

6. Submit to God’s Authority and to those He Delegates— If there is one theme in the Bible is half-hearted obedience. One reason why king Saul was no longer king was because of his disobedience. If we can’t submit to authority then we think we know best and are in charge, not God. God is the creator of authority and will not tolerate rebellion. I meet a lot of people who say they are believers. They believe in the Jesus died for my sins part, but not always the LORD of my life part. “Salvation requires submission.” We can’t be the authority in our own lives and be. Submission is the way and path to true greatness.

“Submission to authority opens God’s heart and hand to us as we walk in His will.”

7. Admit Weakness and Become Accountable to Others— Great leaders, admit their mistakes and learn from them. Learning how to be transparent and humble will be one of your greatest attributes. Hiding behind fears, shame, and failure will never get us anywhere. One way to achieve this is to have an accountability person in your life that can speak into blind spots. One thing David did well, was listen to others in his life, having anointed wise ministers that could help him live in his greatest potential.

8. Depend on God and Give Him the Glory- We can all fall victim to the whispers of pride. We see all the time those who rise to power, fall hard once greed and pride take over their lives. Arrogance will never serve us well and God will make sure pride will never succeed. When choose to walk in surrender and submission we choose to walk in humility with God. The place of humbleness is where God protects us. Places of pride is where satan pounces and preys on his victims to make them fall. David had his moment in 1 Chronicles 21 when he took the census. He depended on his own strength and not God’s. One question that struck me hard Jimmy asks is, “How much can God give me before I use it against him?” Woah. I have been guilty many times of throwing things back in God’s face and giving Him a list of all the things I’ve done. Then I’m reminded where I need to be, on my knees praying in a place of worship, giving Him the glory.

9. Overcome discouragement- “Every great man or woman of God must overcome times of darkness and deep discouragement in order to achieve his or her destiny in God.” We all have experienced devastation in our lives. It’s so easy to give in to despair. We can learn from David what Satan uses for evil God uses for good. To be attacked by the devil is to be expected, you never know what God does behind the scenes. God always has an answer for the victory and is in control. Nothing is impossible for him.

10. Be Willing- None of David’s greatness would be possible is he wasn’t willing to be willing. “All of us are destined for greatness if we choose to surrender to God and His plan for our lives.”

You were made for greatness–God’s greatness. Satan will do everything possible to tear you away from God’s plans for His greatness in your life. Remember the lessons from David, one of the greatest leaders, warriors, and kings of the Bible.

What is your favorite lesson from David?

I recommend this book to anyone who has a desire for greatness. Who desires to learn and want to be well. I hope you consider reading I AM David and be blessed for all it has to offer. We can learn so much from David. Sometimes it’s not about getting to the outcome we desire, it’s what we learn along the way. Thank you Pastor Jimmy Evans for writing this book!

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MENDED: A Book Review and GIVEAWAY!

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Mended: A Book Review and Giveaway!

One of the most important relationships you can have is with your mother.

 

Mother’s Day can be a mixed bag of emotions for many.  Many celebrate Mother’s Day without their mother, or who have a strained relationship with their mom, and some can’t talk to their mothers at all because they’ve passed away.  Whatever the circumstance, Mother’s Day can bring joy and/or pain.

Today I have the opportunity to share with you the new book Mended:  Restoring the hearts of Mothers and Daughters by Blythe Daniels and Helen McIntosh.

A moment of honesty–I was a little afraid to read this book, in fear it would conjure up unwanted emotions and pains of the past.  

As a child I grew up in a divorced home and had the blessing of having two mothers.  My step-mom from the start treated my twin sister and I as her very own.  Of course there are ups and downs in any relationship but the love we had for each other grew over the years into something greater–a mother/daughter relationship.

My relationship with my (biological) mother was different.  I didn’t understand much about mental illness as a child and didn’t understand why my mother acted certain ways.  As I grew into adulthood I had to learn how to separate the person from the mental illness.  When I was hurt by something she did I had to learn how to forgive and love her for for how God made her.

As the years past, I learned how to stay away from silly arguments that only led to quarrels.  I had to learn how to make healthy boundaries.  I learned how to NOT find happiness in met expectations, but in the reality of God’s plans.  We don’t get to choose who our parents are, nor do they get to choose who their children are.  I admit, there were times in my childhood into adulthood my relationship with my mother was strained at best.

Once I learned to embrace her mental illness was a gift from God in how he made her, I was able to be set free in having the loving relationship with her God intended for me.  She wasn’t responsible or in control of my emotions or feelings in how I responded, I was.  I didn’t have to constantly be afraid of being hurt over and over because I focused on God’s kingdom purpose for her–to be loved for who she was not in what she did.  

Mended will help any mother/daughter relationship gain the clarity it needs to take steps towards healing.  Blythe and Helen do a wonderful job in asking the right questions and equipping readers to gain a new perspective.  It’s not about the argument.  It’s not about being right.  And it’s certainly not about meeting YOUR EXPECTATIONS.  

When reality doesn't meet your expectations

Disappointment in our relationships happens when we have high expectations and the reality is no where near them.  Everything in between just becomes disappointment.

No relationship is beyond repair. Our relationships with our mothers are more valuable and important than our own agendas.Click To Tweet

I had to ask myself was my disappointment always going to be the focus and highest priority?  When God’s agenda becomes our agenda we are able to embrace his ways and plans in how to love one another in the most loving way possible and let go of our disappointments.

Let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7Click To Tweet

Have you put an expectation on someone they can’t meet?

Maybe instead of expecting them to change, sit with God and ask How can I love this person today in the most loving way possible?  The pursuit of relationships sometimes don’t always turn out the way we want them nor should they cost us our sanity.

Giving God your struggles, trusting Him in guiding your relationships is the best way to start in mending each others hearts.  God will tell you when it’s time to set boundaries.  He will tell you when to speak and not speak.  And He’ll most definitely show you how to love.

God is never going to ask you to fill roles you were never intended to fill.  Your role is not to be the Savior.  It’s not to change the other person.  And it’s definitely not to enable.  Our roles in strained relationships are to let go of what we can’t control by surrendering it to God and trusting in what God is able to do with it.

God didn’t say the pursuit of healing and restoration would be without heartache.  But He does promise to hold our hands to get us through.

Are you willing to pursue mended relationships?

Learning how to love my mother in the way God made her was one of the hardest things I had to do, but the reward of the mended relationship was so worth anything I had to go through to get to the other side.  

God is with you my friend, he might ask us to step out of the boat like Peter to take his hand in the storm.  He might ask us to jump into the fiery furnace like Shadrack, Meschach and Abendago.  He might even ask us to spend the night with a bunch of hungry lions at the bottom of a dark pit.

Giving up on relationships is the easy way out and we miss out on God’s miracles.  When we stand firm in God’s promises, trusting to hold our hands to get us through we will never miss out on his miracles of what He is able to do.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers!  May your day be filled with God’s abundant blessings!

   Blythe Daniel & Helen McIntosh 

Blythe Daniel is a literary agent and marketer with 20 plus years of experience in publishing. She is a speaker at writer’s conferences and is interviewed for podcasts and webinars. She has written for Christian Retailing and Focus on the Family publications, and she links hundreds of bloggers with millions of readers through BlogAbout. Her passion is helping authors share their unique stories. The daughter of Dr. Helen McIntosh, she lives in Colorado with her husband and three children. www.theblythedanielagency.com

Dr. Helen McIntosh (EdD, Counseling Psychology) is a counselor, speaker, educator, and author of Messages to Myself and Eric, Jose & The Peace Rug®. Her work has appeared in Guideposts, ParentLife, and HomeLife magazines. She resides in Georgia with her husband Jim. They have two children and five grandchildren. Learn more at our mended hearts. 

Mended is available now for purchase in all retail book stores.  Get your copy today just in time for Mother’s Day!  Click here to buy your copy today or enter a chance to win a free copy below.

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I would love to hear from you!  Leave Your Comments Below.  I pray we all pursue mended relationships that can only be healed and restored in Jesus.  ​In Him,

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Chicken Soup for the Soul: Military Edition {Giveaway}

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“I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives.  I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him” quote Abraham Lincoln.

I am so excited to announce the story I submitted last year to Chicken Soup for the Soul has been accepted and published in the Military Edition!  I am humbled and honored to have our story alongside other men and women who have served and been the force behind the forces.  And I’m thankful to have another opportunity to be published in the Chicken Soup Series!

I can’t believe how completely different our lives look now.

Never in my life did I think I’d be in this place I am today.  Never in a million years did I think I would be living in Alaska, living on a military base with my husband serving in the United States Air Force.  Never did I imagine all that we would see and learn just by taking a step of faith out of our comfort zone.  Only God.

You just never know what God has planned.

Even though we left everything we knew–family, friends, kid’s school, our home, jobs, etc.  We wouldn’t trade the military or Alaska for anything.  Coming up here we have become a closer knit family.  Moving to a place where you know no one, makes a family depend on each other in ways you never had before.  We also get to meet amazing military families who sacrifice their lives and serve just so we can be safe.

There is so much more to our story than what is published.  God has been writing our story for quite some time and is always full of surprises!

Life wouldn’t be life if there weren’t curve balls, sharp turns or detours would it?

As I am writing these words, we are getting ready to embark on our new journey to Colorado!  In fact we could really use your prayers.  There are a lot of unknowns of where we will live and what school our kids will attend.   We are trusting in God’s provision and leaving it in His hands.  Even though we don’t know how all the details are going to work, we know God has it already worked out for us.

There is something powerful in doing something bigger than yourself.

Alaska has taught us many things especially the art of camping and how to be prepared in all kinds of situations (wild life, negative degree weather).  We will be driving with our two kids and dog in our RV through Canada this summer, stopping by national parks along the way.  It is bittersweet for us to leave all the wonderful friends who have been our new military family to embark on our new adventure.  But we are excited for our new adventure that awaits.

Sometimes I question if we have to move every 3 to 4 years how are we able to grow roots?  I believe God uses us wherever we are.  He allows us to bloom wherever we are planted growing our roots deeper in every step of faith and act of obedience.  I will cherish the relationships and friendships we have made along the way and carry them in my heart wherever I go.  Each journey we go on grows us and prepares us for what God has in store (hence why we named our dog Journey ; ).

Our Journey Girl

Want a chance to win a copy of Chicken Soup for the Soul:  Military Edition for your self?  Before it is available in stores?

Here’s How to Enter:  Contest ENDS May 12th!  

  1. Subscribe to the Blog OR
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Do all three for THREE chances to win!  I will need your email to notify if you won.  The Contest is only for those who live in the United States.  I promise I will not share your info with anyone.  If you win I will need your mailing address so I can send you a signed hard copy of the book!  Please share with others so they can have a chance too!  I will announce the winner via Facebook and email.  Please like the Facebook page or leave your email in the comments in case you win!  Good luck!

Chicken Soup for the Soul:  Military Edition is available for pre-order purchase on www.amazon.com for only $10.37!  It’s a perfect gift to give to that special someone who serves for Memorial Day!

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