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3 Myths About Dysfunction That Keep You STUCK

 

If you’re anything like me, at one point in your life dysfunction has served some sort of role in your life.  Maybe for a short while, or maybe it’s still a struggle.  Whatever role dysfunction has played in your life, our dysfunction doesn’t disqualify us, make us incompetent or inadequate, it makes us human.  We all have had dysfunction in our lives and most of us probably still do.  But that doesn’t mean we are less than or unable to still be used by God in a mighty way.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve had so much dysfunction in my life, I could write a book about it.  Growing up when we had problems we didn’t really talk about them.  God and good counselors have helped me so much in my journey in learning how to deal with my problems in a healthier way.  I actually didn’t know I had developed an unhealthy coping mechanism of codependency as a way to get my needs met.  I was very dependent on people to receive my approval, praise, and worthiness.

'For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.' Galatians 1:10 Click To Tweet

At one point I was a big time people pleaser.  I also felt very validated if I could rescue, fix, or solve someone else’s problems, because then I didn’t have to focus on my own problems.  Along the way I found some eye opening discoveries about my dysfunction that kept me stuck in my circumstances.  Here are 3 myths about my dysfunction I would like to share with you.

3 Myths About Dysfunction That Keep You STUCK:

 MYTH #1–Dysfunction is functional- This is very true for someone who lives in dysfunction.  Dysfunction serves us all well until it doesn’t.  In fact, sometimes we don’t even realize something is dysfunctional in our lives, until it is no longer functional!  The enemy would like nothing more than to keep us hidden in our patterns of dysfunction and tell us these patterns are totally NORMAL. These patterns keep us stuck and hidden from God’s plan for us.  Dysfunction keeps us in chaos, making it hard to hear God’s voice and plan over our lives.  It’s not until dysfunction starts crumbling all around us and we slowly get out of the chaos can we hear and see more clearly, that dysfunction does not serve us well over time.  Over time, dysfunction can become very comfortable for us, making it difficult to detach from it because it’s what we know.  Learning how to separate from your dysfunction can be one of the most loving things you do for yourself.  Detaching from the chaos will help one learn  healthier ways to deal with problems instead of reverting back to unhealthy dysfunctional patterns.  Letting go of codependency or dysfunctional patterns may feel overwhelming at first, but this is the first step in allowing God to refine and renew us for His eternal plans.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-17

MYTH #2–Dysfunction is Absent from my life.  Can we say denial?  The absence of dysfunction doesn’t mean dysfunction is absent.  I’ll never forget a forensics file episode I watched.  The detective said, ‘the absence of evidence, doesn’t mean that evidence is absent.’  That statement was so profound to me–just because we don’t see the evidence doesn’t mean someone didn’t try to wipe away or clean up the evidence.  Trying to get rid of evidence doesn’t negate a crime happened.  Just like our lives, we can become really good at hiding and ‘cleaning up the crime scene,’ to look really good on the outside but that doesn’t mean dysfunction isn’t still lying underneath the surface.  We can fake it till we make it all we want, but that doesn’t mean our dysfunctional problems will go away if we don’t address them!  Just because we can’t see or recognize our dysfunction, doesn’t mean it’s not there.  The enemy uses dysfunction in our lives to keep us blind and deaf, to not really see or hear God clearly.  This is why it’s so important to stay close to God.  Draw near to Him by reading the Bible and praying.  Knowing what His truth is will set us free every time.

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”  Galatians 5:1

MYTH #3–I’m too dysfunctional to be helped- This couldn’t be further from the truth.  If this were true, Jesus would have never came and died on the cross for us.  No one is ever too dysfunctional to receive mercy and forgiveness from our Savior.  Sometimes we can feel so overwhelmed in our dysfunction, that we don’t even know where to begin, and think why bother it will never get better.  This is a lie the enemy would like us to believe, that we are hopeless, not worth rescuing or saving, that we will never be good enough.  It may be true we have dysfunction and make mistakes, but what we do isn’t who we are.  Our dysfunction is an opportunity to grow closer to Jesus.  Our dependence in Him in what He’s able to do, helps us rely on His strength, not our own and trusts He is able.

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”  Galatians 2:20

Stepping into a place of vulnerability where our dysfunction is revealed can be a scary place to be!  Because that means we have to deal with ourselves and may have to do a lot of work to unravel the mess.  There is no one else I’d rather unravel my mess and peel back the layers of dysfunction with than Jesus.  He knows how to refine, restore, and renew me.

When we allow Jesus into our messes and dysfunction we become crucified in Him. It is no longer us who lives, but Him who lives in us. You are loved, friend! Click To Tweet

Are there dysfunctional patterns that have served you well?

How has dysfunction kept you stuck?

What is one action step you can take today that steps out of dysfunction into God’s presence?

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What Is One Answer You Want To Know?

What Is The One Answer You Want To Know?

There are so many questions, yet so little answers.  Have you been waiting on an answer from God about a question that burns deep within?  Seven years ago when our son died, I had a question, “Why?” Oh how I was on a search and mission to discover the answer to the why.  Do you know what happened in my search?  I got further and further away from the answer.  I sank deeper and deeper into the despair of my grief.  My life became utter chaos, everything was out of order nothing was in my control.

In these moments I take matters into my own hand, God so gently whispers into my ear, ‘dear child, if I told you the answer to the why you still wouldn’t understand.  The only answer you need to know is I LOVE YOU.’

There are so many times in the Bible questions were asked and do you know how God responds?  With a another question.  I’ve wondered why does God answer with another question, then it dawned on me.  He answers with a question to reveal the answer within us he already knows.  How well would we understand if he told us the answer?  We understand so much better when we come to the answer ourselves.

I love how God meets us right where we are.

He Sees Us In Our Despair

In Genesis 7-13, God sent an angel to Hagar after she was sent away by Sarai and asks her- “Where have you come from and where are you going?” God already knew the answer yet asked anyway, to give her a very important message.  God sees us in our despair.  In God, He reveals himself as El-Roi, the God who sees us.

He Sees Us When We Hide

In Genesis 3:9-13, God asks Adam and Eve, “Where are you?” after they ate the forbidden fruit.  He then asked, “What is this you have done?”  God already knew the answer yet asks the questions anyway, to let them know, hey I’m God, I know and see everything, there is nowhere you can hide where I can’t see you (Jeremiah 23:16-24).

He Meets Us in Our Unbelief

In Mark 9:14-29, Jesus approaches a situation of a crowd arguing and asks a few questions, “What are you arguing about?” “How long have I been with you?” A father desperately wants healing for his son who is possessed by a demon.   Right before Jesus arrived, the disciples were there trying to cast out the demon but were unsuccessful.  Jesus asks the father, “How long has this been happening to him?” The father responds, “But if you can do anything….”  Wow IF you can?  Jesus knew all the answers to every single question yet the crowd and disciples didn’t even know what they are arguing about until Jesus draws out the answer.

'All things are possible for one who believes.' Mark 9:23Click To Tweet

Don’t you wish God had a telephone number you could call him up at anytime, ask him any question and he provided an immediate answer?

In all of these situations, God knows the answer.  He knows what’s in our hearts.  He sees what we’re going through and what we’re struggling with.  He pursues us.  Meets us where we are and yet we still pursue the answer to what we want to know.

There is no harm in pursuing answers to our questions, but when the pursuit of the answer consumes us and brings more despair, maybe it's time we give our pursuit to God.Click To Tweet

We let him lead us so we can hear what He has to say.  We allow Him to ask us the questions so we can discover the deeper answer within us.

God is close to the broken-hearted.  Our brokenness draws us closer and nearer to him to hear him.  We may not always like God’s plans or what He has to say, but know the only answer we need to know is He LOVES US.  He knows what’s best for us.  We may not like it or want it, but know God is good all the time and desires the best for us.  There may be times when we suffer but know God knows the way through our suffering.  Jesus suffered too.  If anyone knows anything about suffering, it’s God.

Only God can turn our suffering into a door of hope.  Into His glory.  Into His greatest blessings.

What is the one answer you want to know?

Where has the search for the Answer led you?

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My Hiding Place

Do you have a hiding place?  A place you like to retreat to?  To get some peace and quiet? To be able to decompress?  Process things?  Or just get away?

I have a hiding place that doesn’t seem like much of a hiding place.  It’s a place I always seem to come back to and find hard to stay away from.  It doesn’t seem like much of a retreat and yet I always come back to it.  Busyness.

Why do I keep coming to this place?  I constantly struggle with making my no, be no and my yes be yes.  I struggle with the balance of just because I can doesn’t mean I should.  I struggle with my heart being pulled in a million different places and where I should prioritize being present.  I constantly allow myself to be reeled back into this place time and time again.  The only thing I accomplish in the end is the feeling of not being able to accomplish the task well, weariness and guilty for spending valuable time away from the ones I love.

Why do I do this?

It’s who I am.  According to my Enneagram personality test, I’m a reformer by nature and have a desire to change the world.  I’m also a helper, who likes to help others at the expense of neglecting the needs of myself or my family.  Busyness also keeps me from dealing with the core issue of who I am–my perfectionism.  If I had a conversation with you, worked on a project, or been allotted a task I’m going to analyze how I could have improved the situation relentlessly in my head over and over.  It becomes tiring and quite defeating not living up to these always changing expectations.

When is it ever good enough?

At some point I just need to be okay with how things are, and accept it's enough.Click To Tweet

So how can I prevent getting into the tangled web of busyness?

Before I say yes to anything, I need to consult with God and my husband FIRST.  Because really when I say yes to something I’m really saying no to my family.  I need to spend time in prayer asking God, is this how I can make the most impact right now?  Is this how I should be spending the time you have given me?

My story reminds me of the Mary and Martha.  Whenever a guest comes to visit your home, there are so many preparations and tasks needed to be done before their arrival, especially if Jesus is your guest!  Jesus came to their home.  While Martha was distracted by all the preparations for their guest, Mary sat at Jesus’s feet and listened to what he had to say.  Martha became annoyed at Mary and said to Jesus, “Lord, don’t you care my sister has left me to do the work by myself?  Tell her to help me!”  (Luke 10:40).  

Jesus responded, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed–or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her”. (Luke 10:41-42).

I’ve asked myself would I have responded like Mary or Martha?  I want to say I would have sat at Jesus’s feet listening to every word He had to say, blocking out any distraction focusing on what was most important at that moment–Jesus.  But being the reformer, helper I am, I know I would have been distracted like Martha, missing the very point of Jesus’s visit–to be with Him.

Over the years It has become easier the more time I spend with God, discerning his voice over what I need to do and not do.  But if I’m not careful can fall into the trap of busyness once again missing the very essence of God’s desire for me–His purpose.

My value and worth aren’t comprised of how much I accomplish, but in who God says I am and His purpose for me.  There will always be another task to accomplish, but if I lose focus of God’s purpose for me then all is lost.  The biggest obstacle I can be aware of is if life starts to get chaotic, then probably I let my balance off of being more performance driven than purpose driven.

I will never regret when I make a choice in Jesus name in the direction of God’s purpose for me.  I will never say I wish I performed more tasks.  I will never say I wish I had more time to do more.  I will always regret not spending enough time where my time is needed most with my family or I didn’t get the rest I needed.

Do you struggle with busyness or distractions?

I want to be attentive to what God desires for me and not distracted by where the world wants to take me.  God’s purpose will eternally satisfy more than any highly successful performance ever will.

Where is your hiding place?

Who do you relate most to Mary or Martha?

Prayer-  Lord help me please guard my time, protect the time our family has together.  Help me find rest in you and not my hiding place.  Help my no be no and yes be yes and not feel bad about it!  Help me be present, not go before you and be released from the burden of how I can always do things better.  I love you Lord, trust in who you are, you’re promises and love.  Thank you for keeping me balanced and grounded.  I love you, God, in Jesus name, Amen.

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Praying Through the Storms

Have you ever been through a storm of life and asked yourself the question, “When is this going to end?” ‘How am I going to get through this? Or “Why am I even here?’

The storms of life we go through can feel so burdensome, out of control and chaotic.

One scene in the Bible that sticks out in my mind that describes the storms we go through is the scene where the disciples are rocking in the boat with waves crashing and the wind blowing in Matthew. The disciples are scared and looking for a way out of this storm. Then they see what they think is a ghost, who is actually Jesus.

Have you ever wondered why Jesus was walking towards His disciples on the water during the storm instead of just waiting for them on the other side of the lake (Matt. 14:25)?

Before Jesus came to the disciples in the storm, He was asking them to cross the lake in the boat, to literally be on top of the chaos. The Hebrew word for water is Mayim which literally means chaos. The disciples were fearful and wondering how everything was going to play out.

Like the disciples, we may not like being in the chaos, but can be encouraged that Jesus is always with us in the storms (Matt. 14:24-32).

We can be encouraged that Jesus prays for us in our stormsClick To Tweet

“….he came to them, walking on the sea.” Matt. 14:25 ESV

When the disciples were in the boat being tossed by the waves and wind, Jesus was right there with them. He was praying the disciples’ (Rom. 8:34) faith would not waver. Jesus didn’t send the disciples into the storm by themselves, He was experiencing the storm with them (Mark 6:48). God will never push us into a storm and say, ‘see you later, good luck.’ He is always with us.

Jesus will always come to us in our storms of lifeClick To Tweet

“He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.” Matt. 14:29

The disciples became fearful when their focus was on their circumstances—the big waves, the boat rocking, and the harsh winds. Right before Jesus tells Peter get out of the boat and come to Him, Jesus tells the disciples to “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid,” (Matt. 14:27).

We too can get focused on our circumstances, elevating our fears which limits our ability to see Jesus in the storms. Jesus was trying to teach the disciples that both fear and faith cannot reside at the same time in our hearts and will always blind us to His presence.

The very thing the disciples feared (the sea) is the very thing Jesus used to bring them through. He was showing them that even in the chaos of the storm, Jesus is always in control, we just need to trust in Him.

Jesus will see us through our stormsClick To Tweet

“And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.” Matt. 14:32

God knows we would never willingly go towards the storm ourselves. He knows what’s best for us and cares for our every need. To pick and choose the parts of life we do and don’t want, is to forfeit God’s greatest blessings. Jesus did not allow Peter or the disciples to sink or drown but showed them what God can do when we have faith.

Imagine what Peter was thinking after he got back into the boat. “I just walked on water with Jesus!” Just think what Peter would have forfeited if he allowed his fears to dictate his response and stayed in the boat. He would have never witnessed first hand what God is able to do when we trust in Him.

When we are going through a storm we can trust….

In our chaos, Jesus is in total control and is always with us.

God has divine authority over all things.

When we are in God’s will, we will always be kept safe in the storms.

We can trust God to take care of us in our storms.

Jesus is the key to eternal peace.

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

We can always trust in His plans.

God will prevail.

Jesus walking towards the disciples in the storm is a physical representation of what he does for us in our everyday lives. He is right there with us we just have to look up and reach out.

In our storms, God prays for us and hears our cries. God desires every single crevice of our hearts—even the broken parts. Even when circumstances look bleak, keep praying through the storms, He will protect us and get us safely through.

Are you going through a storm of life right now?

Do you trust in what God is able to do, to step out of the boat like Peter, reach out your hand and say, “Lord, save me?” (Matt. 14:30)

Prayer- Dear Lord, we know you are the God of peace and maker of all things. Sometimes life can get so hard and burdensome. We pray that we will seek you in our storms and trust in your plans, your ways, and power. We pray we will hold onto your promises when our surrounding circumstances look defeating. We pray our faith will not waver and we will be anchored in the storms. Thank you, Lord, for praying for us and being our God who loves us. We praise you in our storms. In Jesus name. Amen.

Did you find this post to be encouraging and helpful?  Please share with others who are in need of prayer.  For more encouraging messages, Subscribe to my blog to receive a weekly message of hope right to your inbox or like my Author Facebook Page. to keep updated on posts.

Wiersbe, W. W. (1996). The Bible exposition commentary (Vol. 1, p. 51). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

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Living on a Prayer

When you read the title of this post I bet the first thing that comes to your mind is Bon Jovi’s hit song, ‘Living on a Prayer.’  It’s a song about struggle trying to make ends meet, the people in the song have to keep going and hold on to what they got.  They are walking a fine line between making it or not and they are living moment by moment–living on a prayer.

One animal sticks out in my mind who lives their life living literally on the edge of life or death is the bullhorn sheep.  Their home is on the cliffs of mountains. These sheep spend most of their lives jumping from one cliff to another, finding comfort in living on the edge of these cliffs. I’ve always wondered why do these animals choose to live so close to the edge of death every day?  Why don’t they find comfort in grazing grass from a nice flat green pasture?

The answer lies in how the food chain operates—fear of the predators outweighs their fear of the cliffs. Predators cannot get them when they live on the cliffs.

I couldn’t even imagine living the way the bullhorn sheep live every day. Hanging so close to the edge living moment to moment not knowing if they would slip—finding comfort on the edge of death. They become accustomed to living like this, getting used to slippery slopes, falling rocks and become agile to steep cliffs.

Imagine if we lived life like that?  Every moment of every day was dependant upon our prayers?

Or each moment was dependant on God for every breath, every step, every need of our day?

I am guilty of not always turning to God before making decisions or reacting to certain situations. What if instead of responding and making choices on my own, I instead turned to God first in prayer?

2 Corinthians 10:5

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

Living on a Prayer:

One verse that sticks out in my mind that helps lead us to depend on God for every need is 2 Corinthians 10:5. There is always going to be something in this world trying to distract us and lead us away from what God desires for us.  The world is going to tell us that we need more love, more money, more power.  These things will never lead us to the abundant life God desires for us–only more tired and more empty because there will always be ‘more’ to chase– there will never be an end to more.

The weapon we can use to demolish strongholds is seeking God in prayer. Click To Tweet

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God when we allow God to take captive our every thought and make them obedient to Him.

The next verses in 2 Corinthians 10:6-7 say, “We will be ready to punish every act of disobedience once your obedience is complete.  You are looking only on the surface of things.  If anyone is confident that he belongs to Christ he should consider again that we belong to Christ just as much as he.”  

We belong to Christ.  When the shouts of the world drown out the voice of God we can become deaf to His voice.  In the busyness and chaos of this world, we need to find the time to slow down, be still, sit in the presence of God so we can hear his voice.  God did not design us to keep going to the next best thing.  He designed us to depend on Him like our lives depend upon it.

I encourage you to write 2 Corinthians 10:5 down on a notecard, put it on your mirror and pray this verse every day for the next week, as a reminder to allow God to take every thought captive and make them obedient to Him. This verse trains our minds to direct our hearts to where He desires us to go.  I promise you His desires and plans will lead to the best life ever.

Just like the bullhorn sheep, predators cannot get us when we live under the umbrella of God’s protection.  The enemy will masquerade himself as an angel of light (2 Cor. 11:14).  He will try to lure us into areas where we are exposed and not protected.  Satan is always prowling around like a lion ready to devour us at any moment of any day.

Molding a life of prayer like our lives depended on it is the very thing that will protect us, bring our battles into the light and hear God’s voice.

The next time you have a temptation, an impure thought, discouragement or doubts…….

Ask God to take captive every thought and make them obedient to Him.  

Prayer is our lifeline to God. A life without prayer is a life without God.Click To Tweet

Imagine what our lives would look like if we lived on prayer?

Prayer:  Lord Jesus, we pray we will focus our hearts and minds on you.  We pray you will take captive our every thought and make them obedient to you.  We pray we will stay alert of the schemes of the enemy and stay under the umbrella of your protection.  Help us mold a life of prayer that is dependant upon you for every moment of every day so we can live our lives living on a prayer.  Help us stay in prayer so we can hear your voice and have our steps directed.  We love you, Lord, in Jesus name.  Amen.

How important is prayer in your life?  Do you live on a prayer?

What is one action step you can do today to make prayer an important part of your daily life?

Did you find this post to be encouraging and helpful?  Please share with others who are in need of prayer.  For more encouraging messages, Subscribe to my blog to receive a weekly message of hope right to your inbox or like my Author Facebook Page. to keep updated on posts.


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