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A Letter From Jesus: A note to my inner Enneagram

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This year has been a really hard year for me in regard to discovering things about myself I never knew.  It’s been a year God has been using to grow me in ways I never knew I needed.  I’ve done a lot of soul-searching, reading and just spending time with God.  I’ve read books like “Kill the Spider,” “Soul Detox,” “Nehemiah,” and “The Road Back to You.”   Based on the titles of these books you can guess what kind of person I am, which ironically I didn’t know about myself until just recently–I’m a perfectionist.  Anyone who knows me would say, ‘there’s no way you’re a perfectionist’ based on what they see outwardly, but inwardly quite frankly, I beat myself up every day.

In Kill The Spider, I learned I need to kill the spider creating cobwebs in my life.  If I never target the very thing creating the mess, the mess will just keep reoccurring over and over.

In Soul Detox, I learned I need to get rid of the things contaminating my life, whether it be relationships, things in my environment, or what I’m goes into my ears and eyes, holding onto things that are toxic will only make for more toxicity.

In The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery, I learned I am a one with a two-wing, which in enneagram language means I am a reformer at heart, I want to change the world and I have helper qualities.  For anyone who has taken a personality test and doesn’t like to be pegged to a number, this is more than labeling you into a certain category.  This book has helped me see myself the way God sees me, to not allow my flaws and inadequacies define me or make me stumble, but embrace them to be used the way God intended for them.

My flaws make me closer to God and more dependent upon Him. If I didn't have inadequacies, I wouldn't need God. Click To Tweet

I can be overly critical or judgmental of myself at times.  I constantly go over in my head how I could have done things better, how something could be improved, what I wish I would have said.  It can get tiring hearing these voices in my head over and over pointing out mistakes I’ve made, telling me whatever I did wasn’t good enough.

Sometimes I just need a break from myself and replace these nagging voices with what God says about me.   I have to be careful not to allow the inner critic in me or my constant comparison to unrealistic standards pull me down to the point I can’t hear God’s voice.  So I turn to the One who knows me best.

A Letter From Jesus:

Dear Child,  You are loved.  I want to remind you, you are good enough.  You are more than your failures, you are more than your past mistakes.  You aren’t the labels you have put on yourself.  You are definitely not the lies the enemy has told you.  You are who I say you are.  I have created you just the way you are for a reason.  Your flaws don’t define you, I do.  I will use your flaws for my greater plan.  Stay close to me.  Depend on me for all your needs.

Find refuge and peace in my presence, don’t go ahead of me.  I have the greatest plans for you.  Trust in my goodness and in what I’m able to do.  Don’t focus on your obstacles, your mistakes or flaws, stay focused on me and my purpose for you.  I will guide you if you let me.  I accept and love you for who you are.  Don’t allow your flaws to hold you back or keep you from participating in the plans I have for you. Don’t beat yourself up.  Don’t seek your value and worth in the comparison of others, find your value and worth in Me.  Be gentle and forgiving with yourself when you make mistakes.

Surround yourself with my truth in who I say you are.  I created you.  Seek your identity in me, guard yourself against the lies of the world surround yourself with my truth.  You may not be where you want to be, sweet child, this is a journey, not a race, enjoy it.  You are one of my best creations.  I find joy in you.  I will be your strength.  You are loved whether you succeed or fail.  It’s okay if things aren’t perfect.  I will use you to display my perfection. You are loved and you are good enough.  I will never leave you.  I am here for you, hold onto my promises, we will do this together.

Love, Jesus

A couple pieces of advice I give myself to help battle through the process of perfectionism are,

  1.  Give yourself permission to laugh at yourself.  I tend to be serious at times and just need to have a good ole chuckle when I do make mistakes or don’t say things perfectly.
  2. When the volume of your inner critic starts getting loud, smile and say I appreciate your help but I am learning how to accept and embrace my imperfections.  Say, “I am who God says I am, He loves me just the way I am, it’s okay if it’s not perfect.”
  3. Find a hobby you enjoy doing just because you like doing it.  I have picked up card-making (I’m not that good at it), but it’s one of those hobbies I enjoy and give myself the liberty to mess up and be okay with it, because the cards I give to people give purpose to the reformer in me, helping others when life hurts.
  4. Surround yourself with God’s word of who He says you are.  Read Scripture about who God says you are (Psalm 139:14 and 2 Timothy 1:7).  Listen to Lauren Daigle’s song, “You say,” or Hillsong’s song, “I am Who You Say I am.”  

If you know anyone who struggles with perfectionism or who they are in Christ here are other helpful articles I’ve written that have helped me in the process.

Failures Don’t Define Us

You Are Not Qualified

God is refining us.  One of the best lessons I am learning on this journey is to embrace God’s purpose for me despite my flaws and obstacles.  If you are a One on the Enneagram and can relate to this message please leave a comment, I would love to hear from you.  Authors of The Road Back to you write, “May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique, behind every facade of your life is something eternally beautiful.  May you learn to see yourself with the same delight, pride and expectation which God sees you in every moment” (Cron and Stable).

Join me in the journey of embracing who you are in Christ by taking the Free Enneagram test and reading “The Road Back to You.”  It’s not about labels but living in the healthiest version of yourself and allowing God to use all of you including your flaws.

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Parts of Mark Batterson’s Whisper How to Hear the Voice of God 5-day Reading Plan from the You Version Bible reading plan were used for this post.
Cron, I. M. (2016). The road back to you: An Enneagram journey to self-discovery. Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press

Yes Lord

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“God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called” quote Mark Batterson.  

          Has God ever asked you do something that didn’t make sense?

About 2,000 years ago Jesus was looking to qualify the called.  He was starting his ministry on earth calling His first disciples.  He saw some fisherman fishing alongside a lake.  He then told them take the boat, out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch (Luke 5:4).  

Simon, the boat owner said to  Jesus, “We’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything.  But because you say so, I will let down the nets” (Luke 5:5).  Then something amazing happened.  Their nets began to break and their boats began to sink because they had caught so many fish (Luke 5:6-7).  

Simon and all his companions couldn’t believe what they had just witnessed.  They had been fishing all night, then Jesus came along and changed everything.  Simon fell to his knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord;  I am a sinful man!”  Simon knew he had witnessed something great and felt unworthy to be in the presence of Jesus.

Jesus said, “Come, follow me, and I will send you out to fish for people.” 20 At once they left their nets and followed him.”  Matthew 4:18-20

In just three words Jesus changed the lives of these fishermen forever.  The disciples were busy making a living catching fish, then Jesus came along and said, “Come follow me,” you are now going to catch men.  Without hesitation in the both gospels of Matthew and Luke, the men dropped their nets, pulled in their boats to shore, left everything (their families, their businesses) to go follow Jesus.  

I have thought about this scenario many times. 

Why do you think God allowed these men to experience what it was like to catch the biggest catch of fish ever in their lives, to then tell them to drop their nets and walk away from everything they once knew?

This amount of fish could have made lots of money to feed their families and then some.  The fishermen prior to this had only been loosely associated with Jesus.  Jesus allowed the disciples to have a taste worldly abundance, so they would know nothing in this life could ever bless them more abundantly than what God could provide.  Dropping their nets and walking away led to the most extraordinary life ever in Jesus. 

What would you do if Jesus came along and asked you to drop everything to come follow Him?  Would you say ‘yes’?  

What courageous faith, trust and obedience these men had to just walk away.  We may not always know what lies ahead but God does. 

I can so relate to the disciples.  Three years ago God asked my husband and I, “Will you walk away?”  He said, “I know your life is comfortable, but will you leave all of your family, friends, your jobs and your life, to come follow me?”  

I’ll be honest at first, our response was ‘wow God that’s asking a lot.’  There were a lot of unknowns, where would we go?  Where would we live?  Where would we work?   When God asked us to walk away, He already orchestrated the plan, we just had to follow.  

Once we said ‘Yes Lord,’ God started opening the doors to where He was leading us.  We didn’t need to know how every detail was going to work out, because God had it under control.  We knew where God was leading us may be uncomfortable at first learning how to live in our new life.  But, we knew whatever abundant blessings we had in our comfortable life couldn’t compare to what God had in store for us.  Saying ‘yes’ to Jesus was the best decision we ever made.

His abundant blessings are always greater.  

Saying ‘Yes Lord,’ allows for God’s biggest blessings to overflow within our lives. 

Saying ‘Yes Lord,’ to whatever He is asking us to do will always leads to the most extraordinary life in Him.

Has God ever asked you to walk away and come follow Him?  

God is calling all of us to have the most extraordinary life in Him.  We don’t have to be extraordinary to do what God is asking us to do, we just have to be ready. 

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”  Matthew 5:3

Coming Soon!  Some new changes to the website.  I will be doing a 4-part series of Meeting Jesus.  We will be meeting Jesus in the scriptures, our struggles, our storms and everyday lives.    

It’s all about meeting Jesus right where we are.  In Him we will have life to the full that is complete and everlasting.  Have a blessed week!

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Celebrate Easter with Jesus with this Family Bible Reading Plan!