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3 Ways to Break the Crazy Cycle

The crazy cycle.  You know that cycle of insanity of doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome to happen, that never happens.  Instead the exact opposite happens a downward spiral of nowhere good.

We’ve all been on it.  We’ve all engaged in it.  So how do we stay out of this crazy cycle?

I’m no expert.  Even though I’ve been married 16 years, I still get caught in the trap of the crazy cycle, if I’m not careful.

If we know the crazy cycle is detrimental to our relationships then why do we continue to get caught in this trap?

I think because we each want to be heard and see each others hearts, but somehow craziness erupts instead leaving us feeling hurt and frustrated.  Over the years I’ve discovered what works, what doesn’t work and what I’m still working on.  Marriage isn’t a one and done, I’ve got all the answers and figured it out kind of deal.   It’s a forever refining process that reveals our flaws and weaknesses and if we allow it, transforms us into the best version of ourselves.

Here are 3 Ways to Break the Crazy Cycle:

Respond don’t react.  “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end” (Proverbs 29:11).

I don’t know about you, but I never feel good about myself when I react in anger.  What I have learned over the years getting angry at the situation will never get me closer to the outcome I desire.  Whenever I stop, calm down, then respond, I never regret it.  The best thing we can do is recognize when the crazy cycle is about to happen.  Instead of reacting out of emotion and engaging in the crazy cycle the better response is BE CALM.

Come up with statements, ‘Let me think about that first and I will get back to you.‘ Or, ‘I need to calm down, I’m going to go for a walk, then I will address this when I get back.’  By temporarily walking away (not avoiding) it helps dial down the heat of the moment.  I am also a big fan of acronyms.  Here are two that have helped me.  Before responding use the *THINK acronym, is it TRUE, is it Helpful, is it Inspiring, is it Necessary, or Kind?

There is also the HALT acronym, am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired?  Chances are if we are one of these things we will not react well.  Identifying and recognizing underlying factors can help tremendously in our responses.

Listen and Be Available. “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;” (James 1:19).

Over the years I’ve had to really work on this one.  There is an art to listening.  Listening can be so powerful.  It just lets the person know I hear you and I empathize what you are going through.  We don’t have to offer advice.  We don’t have to fix it, we can just make ourselves available so the other person can vent.  Allowing for opportunities to hear one another in non-confrontational scenarios creates a loving environment that has potential for growth.

Forgive.  “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

Without forgiveness, marriage wouldn’t be able to exist.  Forgiveness is the crux to marriage.  To forgive is to love and to love is to forgive.  Forgiveness allows us to turn away from destructive habits, allows us to take a step back and see what is triggering this cycle again, and gives us a glimpse into how God’s grace continually forgives us.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool in looking inwardly at ourselves to learn from our mistakes and unlearn bad habits that keep us in the crazy cycle.Click To Tweet

In the Bible, there is a story of a crippled man who sat by a healing pool.  By this pool laid multiple invalids who were blind, lame and paralyzed (John 5:2).  However this one day, Jesus arrives to the scene and approaches one crippled man in particular.  Jesus knew this particular man had been there a greater part of his life of 38 years and asks a very important questions, “Do you want to be healed?”

The invalid man, didn’t know how to respond, of course he wanted to be healed, he was sitting by a pool that could heal him.  But this isn’t how he answered.  He responds to Jesus, not with an immediate yes, but with a few reasons why he can’t quite get down to the healing pool.  Jesus replies, ‘that is not what I’m asking you, if you want to be healed pick up your mat and walk’ (paraphrased John 5:7).  

This man was hesitant to accept this miraculous gift of healing because the only thing he’s ever known was dysfunction and disability.  He’s lived his entire life begging and making a living as a cripple, which has served him well until this point.  Talk about crazy cycle, doing the same thing over and over for 38 years expecting something different to happen!  If he was healed then he was going to have to learn how to provide for himself instead on relying on others.

Just because this crippled man became comfortable living in the chaos of the crazy cycle doesn’t mean this is what God intends for us or what is good for us.

For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. 1 Corinthians 14:33Click To Tweet

Let me say that again, Chaos does not need you.  The crazy cycle will only keep us in a state of chaos, which is exactly what the enemy wants for us.  When you feel the tug of the chaos, that crazy cycle pulling you in, don’t react, respond when calm, listen and forgive.

Chaos is the enemy’s way to get us engaged in his plan to pull us down and lure us away.  Don’t fall for it.  Be smarter than the crazy cycle so we can engage in God’s purpose and plan for us to transform our lives.

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My Guardian Angel

This post is very different from what I normally post.  I hope you enjoy this true story of a guardian angel that saved my son’s life.

Do you believe in guardian angels? I will never forget the time I was a new mother to our newborn son and two-year-old daughter. My husband and I were invited to a friend’s cabin in the mountains for a work barbeque. We decided we would make the trip to go even though our son was only 2 weeks old. He had been sleeping well and thought it would be a good idea to get out of the house. When we arrived, there were quite a few people there already. When I walked inside, I was carrying our son in his infant car seat carrier and placed him on top of the glass coffee table in the living room.

After placing him on top of the table, I immediately heard an inner voice tell me, take him off the table and place him on the floor. At the time I was a tired mother to a baby and a toddler and wasn’t getting much sleep.  Even in my tiredness, I listened to this voice and immediately placed our son on the floor a few feet away from the table, still asleep in his carrier.  Five seconds later, the nine-foot ceiling fan right above the table came crashing down, landing in the same exact spot our son had just been on the table. The fan shattered the coffee table glass with shards of glass landing all around the table and the room (right where my son was sleeping).

I was shocked, startled and concerned the glass had landed on our son. The loud crash didn’t wake my son, nor did he even react.  As I inspected closer, the shattered glass laid all around his car seat. To my surprise, there was not one piece of glass on our son or even in his car seat!

It as if a guardian angel had placed a shield over our son that protected him from the flying glass that day because there is no other explanation of why the glass was everywhere except on him. Everyone who had witnessed the ceiling fan crashing down from the ceiling knew our son was in the very same spot only seconds earlier before the fan came crashing down. Those in the room kept saying “The baby was just on that table!” They were in disbelief because they knew what they saw. They knew there were shards of glass everywhere. They knew they just witnessed a potential disaster that could have ended very badly. Everyone was concerned and asked if our baby was okay. To their surprise, we told them he was okay and was not harmed from the glass.

I was so thankful I had listened to that inner voice that day. I truly believe God was looking out for us by sending us a guardian angel. I can’t even imagine what would have happened if I didn’t listen to that voice and if I had left our son on the table. There is no other way to explain how he was kept safe other than God was with us.

I will always remember this day as one of God’s miracles. It is His reminder to me that he is with us no matter what. This day opened my eyes to see many of God’s miracles all around us every day. Some of His miracles may not be as obvious as saving a baby from a crashing ceiling fan, but have made me look around to see his miracles are everywhere! His miracles are in a baby’s smile, a child’s laugh, a beautiful sunrise, and even in my drive to work. His miracles are my children and my husband, and I am so blessed and honored to be a part of their lives!

Our son is now 9 years old and we tell him the story how God sent a guardian angel to save him from the crashing ceiling fan and shards of glass. We also use it as a lesson about listening to that inner voice that tells you when something is not right, to obey immediately, ask questions later or it could end in disaster!

Blake’s response was ‘I am so glad you listened to God’s voice mommy or the ceiling fan would have fallen on me!’ That day definitely caught my attention. Even in my tired state, it showed me how important it is to stay alert, not delay when I hear a prompting from God. Even though I didn’t realize at the time but now know it was God keeping us safe. I am so thankful for guardian angels!

'Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me.' Psalm 138:7Click To Tweet

Do you believe in God’s miracles?

Do you have a guardian angel story?  Please share!

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